Kid Question, Opinions Requested
 

I have mentioned my Monkeys in the past. One of them, Blake, had his 9th B-day party yesterday. His older brother Trent was here Saturday, along with some of the other kids. They were all talking about the party, and receiving invitations. Nickolas said that he never got an invite. Trent told him he was invited, even if he didn't get anything on paper. Nickolas went over there yesterday around 1, the party was to start at 2. At 1:20 he was home, very upset. Blake had told him he was NOT invited and that he had to leave.

I am trying to stay out of this. I have intervened in the past when Blake was refusing to talk to Nickolas. No one seems to know why he told Nick he wasn't invited.

I am really fighting the urge to call his mom. In my opinion it is her poor parenting skills that have let up to this. At the same time I know nothing would be resolved, and Nick still missed the party, so I will remain silent.

Should I just let the boys work it out on their own? If Blake comes over do I tell him he can't come in? Do I let Nick tell him he can't come in? I just don't know what to do...

Sorry, I'm having trouble following this. Blake and Trent seem to be yours, but who is Nickolas? Yours also? Who's party was this, if it was Trent's then that would make you the mom (doubtful...). If not, then what was Trent doing essentially inviting Nickolas to some other kids party? Also it would help to know the ages of Nick and the party boy. Please clarify so I can comment. Thanks.

OK, I think I understand. MG owns two monkeys. And they were invited to the party of a boy named Nickolas. Now, Nickolas (or, Olas, for short) sent out invitations to everybody but himself. Apparently, Olas, didn't have enough invitations and besides, he didn't think he could attend due to a prior engagement, which, as it turns out, was his own birthday party. So, Olas is a no show, but the party goes on as scheduled & everybody has a good time. Well, almost. Here is where the story gets tricky.

The party would have been a major success, with a large buffet, kiddie pool, games and prizes and cake, except that none of the above items were actually included. When the children arrived they were escorted to a small room with folding chairs and made to watch a video on purchasing prime California real estate. Afterward, they were served a cold spaghetti dinner.

In retrospect, it can not be said everybody had a good time; though after the nine hour, high pressure, birthday event ended, you could say the children left fully understanding the benefits of owning a piece of California Pines. Or, what I like to call -- home!

MG followed her story with a question, but I do not recall what it was.

But this secret spoiler box may reveal answers to questions you might have regarding owning a piece of beautiful California Pines!

You guys!!

Nickolas is mine. Blake had a party, he is 9. Trent is Blake's older brother, he is 10.

Nickolas should kick Blake's ass.

No!!! Just kidding!

However, he should remember what Blake did. I know the kids are young, but that's just rotten. I would try to not intervene too much, but I would also not let Blake hang around anymore.

Now, Tref- why would anyone buy California pines when the majestic Washington pine is so plentiful?

And they're rats, right? ;)



But seriously. I think you should call the Mom to discuss it. These "I'm having a wonderful party, but you're not invited" things can cause very, very hurt feelings for a child. I feel bad for Nickolas. :(

ETA~ Tref's post has me laughing and crying!! Soooo funny! :snap: :D :cheers:

Hmm, I think you should let it go, or just talk to the mother for information's sake. Don't intervene. I remember the splits I had with my friends at about that age. The LAST thing that would have been good for me would have been our parents getting involved. It's going to happen, and that's the age he should start figuring those kinds of things out. Either figure out how to mend the relationship, or learn how to accept the fact that sometimes friendships end. Unless things become destructive, I suggest letting him figure it out himself. I know it was the best thing for me at that time.

Nickolas and I talked tonight. I told him that I will support him, but it is his decision.

Talking to the mom would get me nowhere. She is beyond flaky.

Good call, MG. And good advice all, per usual.

My experiences as a former kid, and my experiences with my now 13 year old sisters lead me to think that if no one was beaten up, the issue shouldn't even be addressed. People like Blake are a fact of life, and your boy Nick needs to learn that lesson, no matter how hard it is to take. We've all learned it at some point. Leaving yourself open for talks, etc.. that's the right move. Knowing that you're behind him probably does more for him than any conversation or intervention you can do. It's all I ever wanted.

While maybe you should consider keeping Blake around, that Trent guy seems like a decent fellow. Is he genuine, or was he setting a trap for Nick? (Just curious.) If his intentions are good, then you should encourage Blake to hang around people like him. Not all the apples on the tree have to be rotten.

Okay, wallowing through the truth and the schtick, I agree with letting it go between the boys BUT making sure your son understands what happened, that it is the rat Blakes fault, I mean, monkey Blake. He seems to have issues.

Now, the fact that he gets along with the older monkey, Trent, may be a thorn in Blakes side. And, well, I agree with blueerica, he {Trent} sounds like a cool dude.

Anywho. Kids. My youngest is ten. So, I am right in the middle of that crap. As GD said, kids grow apart and it hurts the one who isn't ready for it. This actually happened a few months ago with his best friend. I told him not to be mean about it, to let it go. Perhaps they would be friends again and perhaps not but they were best friends so there was something about the kid that he really like and not to be mean to him. And, not to use personal information he had on him to get him at school. :evil: They eventually worked their way back together. My son was upset with him because he {other kid} was eager to please other people {to make new friends, to keep from being beaten up? I dunno...} and didn't appreciate the friend he had.

Hmm...sounds like marriage....

but that is another story for another thread......

Best of luck and be happy that it won't last forever...he'll find a new buddy and perhaps they all will be friends. :)

Oh, but I would tell Blake that Olas is busy and can't play with him for a while. Play hard to get. Ooo, back to dating and marriage...sorry.....

Lemony Snicket, is that you????

As a teacher-type person and a mom, I think you have to let them deal with it for now. As long as nobody is being bodily harmed, they will figure it out, and will probably be best buddies again by the weekend.

This age is really tricky. The school where I worked was 4th-6th grade. This is when they start learning how to manipulate power over others to give themselves more status, and they start getting outright mean- the boys, but especially the girls. Remind your son that being nice is more important than being cool, hard as that is to understand, and that those nice friends are the ones he'll want to keep. You don't have to like everyone, but you do have to be nice to people. (Especially the mean ones, 'cause they HATE that! :evil: )

Not to be a downer here, but I know I would not have let my daughter go to a party she was not invited to or that I have not RSVP'd to. She's 8, though, and a girl, so maybe things work differently there.

I think it's rude to let him show up an hour before the party anyway (even if he had been invited), unless the mom called and asked him over early. Kids should not be the ones calling the shots, and especially older brothers whose job is not to invite people to his younger brothers party.

I read the OP late last night and then again this morning and am a little confused. Obviously Blake did not want to invite Nick to the party for whatever reason kids do this sort of thing. Just because the older brother said it was ok I would have at least called the other Mom first to make sure it really was ok. I know my daughter and her friends make all sorts of plans and extend invitations for things without asking the adults. I always call the other parent first to make sure we're all on the same page.

And I was also not clear on why he went to the party an hour ahead of time either. I know I'm never ready for the guests until right before the scheduled start time - an hour before I'm going crazy trying to do all the last minute things. Maybe the Mom was busy and didn't know what was going on between the boys?

The thing about not getting an invite~

if these are kids who have grown up together, been friends for a while, RSVP is a bit much. I mean, if it were a child that were unfamiliar, that I would have called for. I can understand wanting to teach kids about the proper way to handle invites BUT these kids sound really close, not just classmates.

About being there an hour early~

I agree, I am not ready an hour early BUT my kids always are. They aren't the ones setting up the party. They usually have their friends hang out in the room before/after the party playing video games because during the party they can't go hang out in the room. That I consider rude. When the party starts {if it is in fact a structured party} everyone is out where the party is happening. So, being there an hour early isn't rude to me.

My older son, just graduated, has friends very close like I think are being discussed here. They've dropped by, eaten with us at a moments notice, gone on vacation with us, etc. etc. I don't think these are casual friends that she is discussing.

I hope it is working out.

These boys have been very close. There are a total of 6 boys that are always together, after school and on weekends. They are usually at my house. On the day of the party Nick was bike riding with Trent and 2 others. They had gone by Trent & Blake's house because Trent needed to get a Game Boy game and come back to my house. That was when Nick was told not to return.

I had already decided to talk to Nick about not going since he didn't have an official invite. He came home in tears before I could talk to him.

As a parent you hate to see your child hurting. As a non parent you hate to see any child hurting. I just needed some reminding to let the boys work it out on their own. I thank everyone for their input. :)

I agree with GD...should just let it go. Besides, I have noticed that kids can get quite stressed on their birthdays and sometimes act not so nice as a result.

It's damned hard, isn't it? I know the best thing to do is back off and only intervene when blood is spilled, but it's easier said than done. I'm usually the one who wants to do the bloodletting. Kids can be such vicious little ****s.