Preventing homosexuality...
 

A handy guide

Thank you, Focus on the Family!

You can bet your ass that I'll be taking my sons to a strip club in the very near future. I also understand that homosexuality can potentially be beaten out of your child. Your homo prevention options are practically unlimited, praise Allah!



And if you've been lax in performing you parental duties, run, don't walk, to a phone and call one of the numbers listed here.


There's no need to thank me, people. Your gay child living a lie in a loveless hetero marriage is all the thanks I need.

My parents were slackers.

Uh-oh. Given the fact that my two year old constantly insists that I put on Sleeping Beauty and tie a pink blanket around his waist so that he can twirl along with the DVD menu, it looks like I'm in trouble. Perhaps I should write to them and ask if that's counteracted by his stuffing himself into shelves (is that a male or female trait...hmmm) and jumping off of stuff. A trip to the psychologist may be in order. :rolleyes:

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OMG! I'm GAY!

And so is my husband!

NUMBER 3. Recognize that most homosexuals “were not explicitly [so] when they were children. More often, they displayed a ‘nonmasculinity’ that set them painfully apart from other boys: unathletic — somewhat passive, unaggressive and uninterested in rough-and-tumble play. A number of them had traits that could be considered gifts: bright, precocious, social and relational, and artistically talented."

OMG, my entire childhood and adult destiny reduced to a number!

If only my father took me whoring more often

Dear god, the horror! We must wipe these intelligent, talented, socially adjusted blights off the face of society!

My favorite part, which seems to have been removed from his site:

If only my father would have showered more with me, I might have been straight.

I dunno, taking showers together and comparing penises sounds gay to me.

We may have found the answers we seek, MBC. My father never once showered with me.

The scars have never healed.

Uh oh, my nephew likes music. Help me pray away the gay, people!

Yeah, all this talk about "rough-and-tumble play" among boys also strikes me as homoerotic

No, that's just the start or penis envy. Where's Freud when you need him?

So I guess it's okay to expose myself to school boys in the neighborhood?

So really, the cause of homosexuality is small-penised men who are too embarassed to compare it to their prepubescent manchild's.

Only if you're cleaning out the cobwebs in your windows.

Nor did Dad ever help me pound square pegs into square holes. That might have helped fixed me as well. (wtf?)

Certainly. Just tell the cops you're doing your part to prevent homosexuality. I'm sure they'll dig where you're coming from.

and all this time i thought it was supposed to be a round hole:blush:

is that what they mean by box:confused:

So if you teach your daughters how to pound pegs into holes with hammers, will that cause THEM to be homosexual?

Well, I gotta tell you, trying to pound square pegs into round holes is a quick way to frustration...

Not if they're "round" pegs and wholes - angularty=masculinity

But then, teaching little Billy to pound square pegs into square holes is akin to (if I am reading this whole symbolism thing correctly) teaching him how to have gay sex. Otherwise, wouldn't Daddy be teaching him square (M) peg/round (F) hole?

Obviously, the author has issues. I should hook him up with our illustrious Mayor West.

oh lordy am i confused.:rolleyes:

and i had a nitemare already...was being chased by a sea cucumber AND an octopus!

i woke up just before making out with SpongeBob Squarepants.:(

No no no no - mixing angles and curves is sure to make your child bi!

I was fond of boys when I was five. I guess this further proves what a freak I am. :)