Hail Mary, Quite Contrary
 

My dad (deacon with the Catholic Church in HI) calls me from Nebraska this morning. He's a little miffed with me in that I forgot to tell him that Nebraska is cold this time of year. He's attending a yearly Catholic Church conference there for a nun, Sister Mary, who is ill.

I ask my dad how the conference is going. He says, "Great. (long pause) Brad, I think everyone here is gay."

I laugh.

He tells me that many of the sisters, brothers and fathers there are "family" (a term I use around him to mean "gay" and that he uses now, he doesn't quite get it that only family members use the term, but oh well). He is quite surprised that many of them are coupled, too.

I laugh again.

The people at the conference were quite surprised to see him there. They were expecting Sister Mary. Since there is no Sister Mary, he tells me that now they actually have to have a formal, official meeting. If she had shown up, the event would have been a week long party. Not so now that the Deacon has shown up.

I laugh a third time.

He tells me that the speeches and presentations that were given were slapped together and unrehearsed and boring. I'm thinking it's because they weren't expecting to give them.

On top of that, when my dad got there, a "flaming" (his word) priest came up to him and asked him who he was and asked where Sister Mary was. My dad replied, "I'm Sister Mary."

The priest looked at him with a knowing glance and a grin and said, "Oh, I see."

Fourth laugh.

To cap it all off, my dad makes himself some tea from one of the breakfast carts in the conference room. He opens the tea bag and the whole room starts to smell like potpourri. "WTF?" My dad said to himself.

A priest came up to him and said, "Whoa. What's that smell?"

"My tea." My dad said and showed him the tea bag cover. It read "PASSION" (as in, infused with Passion Fruit or maybe it's a subtle wink to Mel Gibson's snuff film).

The priest looks at the tea bag cover and says, "Well, if you get out of control, I know how to handle it."

I laugh a fifth time.

The call from my dad came at 8am this morning. These early morning calls are usually reserved for emergencies from him. From his point of view, I guess it was.

:D

I had a shrink in NY who used to work as a counselor in a convent. He said you would not believe some of the confessions he has heard...

Suddenly, I feel better about Nebraska. :) Great story!

Okay, you've got to be making that part up. I mean...really? Really?

OMG, what a great story! :D

I only wish we could have heard it! I'll bet the inflection in his voice was more funny than the story he was telling!

No, no. It's totally true. I asked the same thing of him. I said, "You didn't say that, did you?" He said yes. ***

He's all official, you know? Like a cop is. He said, "I'm Sister Mary." Like a cop would say, "I am the law."

I told him that he shouldn't say that again. It may be giving the sistas who are priests mixed messages.
:D


For the record, I laughed all the way from my house to the T and to work this morning. That's about 20 minutes of laughing...
:D



***Edit to add:
Also, you have to remember that he just met everyone when he introduced himself as Sister Mary's replacement. So he didn't know everyone was family until a little later...

That's a beautiful story.

I think I want to be a police nun this Halloween.

Oh my gosh, I almost fell off my chair. Too funny.

What will happen to Sister Mary when your dad gets home?

Reminds me of when my mother in law went to Glamour Shots and made her reservation for 'Jo'. The person wrote it
down 'Joe'. When she showed up she wondered why the girl kept looking at her funny. They never asked her and finally
she saw 'Joe' and told them it was 'Jo'. I guess they thought...well, you can figure it out.

GC, what a lovely story to start the day.

That was freaking awesome!

MW ~ I'm sure nothing bad will happen to Sister Mary.


My dad said he was challenged about his views a lot by the sisters there. He said they were headstrong women that reminded him of my mom. He said it was overwhelming being in a room of about 30 "mom-types". I thought that was funny too because I have always thought that my mom was lesbian.
:)

LOL Okay. Well, I wonder why didn't she go? {did you say?} Probably pretty darned bummed about missing the meetings. :D

LOL So you've thought that about your mom? All I can think about is when on Roseanne {the show} her mother basically 'came out' but didn't. That was funny.

So, is your dad alright with all of these revelations? And, I am glad the sisters did challenge him.

Seems you are entering a new time in your life, your parents are becoming enlightened. :snap: {right?}

I think she was sick. But I'm not sure that she had any say about who replaced her at the meeting.

My dad had told me numerous times about inner alliances forming in different Dioceses (sp?) where the group is basically comprised of gay or lesbian folk. The previous bishop in HI for instance. He had a partner and all.

I like to think that my parents are getting enlightened. I think for the most part my dad is. But my mom asked me the other day if the next person I date is going to be a woman... Oy vey.

I've long thought that my dear mother was a lesbian. But I shrugged it off saying, 'Nah, three of us in one family? Couldn't be...' But I think she is.

It is good the church is becoming more open to different lifestyles, even within the church itself. I mean, much more healthy if people can be who they want to be instead of supressing, etc....blah blah blah.

LOL Well, ma, maybe I'll date a woman but only if she's a lesbian and has some damn hot friends. ;)

Well....I don't think it is impossible. Complacency? {is that the word?} Just living the way she is expected to? Not recognizing her inner feelings?

Enlightenment. Sometimes it happens too late for us to benefit but as long as it happens, right? Next generations will be better off?

Ok that was a great way to start my day GC...considering some of the history you've had to work thru with your dad! I'd have paid money to see the faces of the rest of the folk when your dad said I AM Sister Mary LOL....that was a kodak moment if there ever was one.

I AM Dandy Gelatine!

I've never lost my faith in love. L'amour come a yip-ai-yaidy come a-YIP-I-yaidy

I'm jealous of you for having a dad that is becoming more enlightened. Mine seems to be dipping lower and lower into enraged, condescending idiocy.

La publicité!

Wow, that's a great story, GC...

It's funny how people change as they age. With my own father and grandfather, they've each become kinder and more accepting of others as they approach 60 and 90 respectively. I would expect that to be more the norm as people are more exposed to different viewpoints and people as they grow older. I wonder what circumstances could cause people to go backwards figuratively as they age? Humanity is so interesting.

My mother has become much more intolerant as she ages. Things that she says using racial slurs horrify me. And I know as kids if we would have said something similiar or heard it from others she would have been equally horrified.

She's also become horribly rude in resturants, with sales clerks. It makes me nervous to go out with her.

Could it be early alzheimers? Personality change is a key symptom. (I hope it isn't, but with early detection quality of life can be greatly improved.)

My dad mellowed out with age. He's become more open-minded in the last 5 years or so. He's driving back from Mt. Rushmore right now. He went there from the conference. I just talked to him about the earthquake. He told me my mom thought N. Korea was boming HI. Oy.

I don't think so. It's more like someone turned off her sensor button. Things she might have previously thought, but not said, seem to come out if that makes sense.