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"Mmmm... forbidden donut."
"We need more secret sauce. Put this mayonnaise in the sun."
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"As you know, Bart, one day your permanent record will disqualify you from all but the hottest and noisiest jobs."
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"WOOHOO!"
"D'Oh!" Ralph: "Me fail English? That's unpossible. " |
"Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use Pop Tarts!"
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SpiderPig! SpiderPig! Does whatever a spiderpig can!
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It feels like a garbage bag full of meat!
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Where's the 'Any' key?
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Homer gem...
"You've been riding his butt all morning, and not in the good way, either!" |
"Homer no function beer well without."
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Moe:
"Aww! Isn't she cute? She makes Little Debbie look like a pile of puke." Homer: "Mmm...invisible cola" "Mmm....floor pie" |
"I warsh myself with a rag on a stick."
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"sharing is caring! sharing is caring"
"smokers are jokers! smokers are jokers!" |
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Lisa: "Get mama's prying stick" (I'm not sure I remember that one verbatim!) |
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HELLO ST. LOUIS!!
uh, Steven, we're in Springfield. |
"If I wanted smoke blown up my a$s, I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose."
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No TV and no beer make Homer... something, something
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A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
What? It's a perfectly cromulent word! |
Marge: [walking through a prison] I don't think this was a great place to bring the children.
Lisa: It still beats Disney's California Adventure. |
I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's.
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"You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!"
Street Vendor: Klau Kalash! Homer: I'll take one bowl Vendor: No bowl. Stick. Homer: That's just awful...[licking stick clean] now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth? Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice Homer: Eeeew, yech, aagh...I'll take a crab juice. "Don't feel bad for losing. I was wrestling wolves back when you were at your mother's teet." |
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Which one's the 'any' key? Man, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a Tab. Oops, no time for that now, the computer's starting up!" |
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Where's my Tab? |
Optometrist: "... and Yoko Ono."
Homer: "Ew, she ruined the Plastic Ono Band." |
Mr Burns : "Oh, 'MeltDown', It's one of those annoying 'buzzwords'. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus.
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Call 1-600-DOCTORB. The "B" is for bargain!
Lisa (reading a flyer): Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB Bart: What's that extra B for? Homer: That's a typo. |
Everybody makes mistakes. Thats why they put erasers on Pencils.- Carl Carlson
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There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated self esteem.-Barney
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(One of my favorites and I can't explain why...)
Lindsey Nagel: Lisa, Bart's got something you can't learn in school. Zazz!
Lisa: What is 'zazz'? Lindsey Nagel: Zing! Zork! Kapowza! Call it what you want, in any language it spells mazuma in the bank! Lisa: 'Zork'? What is 'zork'? Lindsey Nagel: I didn't say 'zork'. |
"Hi everybody!"
"Hi Doctor Nick!" |
I told you, I'm not Xena. I'm Lucy Lawless.
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Hi, My name is Troy McClure.. you may recognize me from such films as...
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Why you little.... [choking sounds]
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Disco Stu doesn't advertise.
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*Lenny & Marge: "Dental plan..Lisa needs braces! Dental plan..Lisa needs braces!"
*Bart (clutching his tummy, pretending to be too sick to take a test): "Ooh! My ovaries!" *Bart: "Jesus wore sandals!" Homer: "Yeah, well maybe if he had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught him". |
Oh Lisa, vampires are make believe -- like elves, gremlins, and eskimos!
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*Lenny Leonard: "What? You've never seen a naked chick standing on a clam shell?"
*Mr. Burns: "Look at him standing on his hind legs! Just like Rory Calhoun." *Homer (to Grady & Julio, his temporary roommates): "You guys don't have a gay time machine, do you?" *Julio: "Yes, it's called Grady's shoe closet!" *Grady: "Um, Julio? Ouch. *Homer:"Margarita? That's mexican for Marge! I'll take that as a sign!" (as he gulps the entire pitcher) |
Note in the donut box:
Dear Homer, I. O. U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer. Homer: Bastard! He's always one step ahead. |
*Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge. Revenge?...d'oh!
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Homer: "And if we have time, we'll address my drinking. But we won't have any time".
Comic Book Guy to Agnes Skinner: "Oh, excuse me Oldie Hawn" and one of my favorites.. Homer: "I promise to give up all rum-based drinks- except mojitos and rum & coke." |
Alcohol: The cause of, and answer to all of life's problems.
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I'm having a hard time not quoting the entirety of Treehouse of Horror V. And I'm not even much of a quoter. But you start with one line... and the next follows and it's a gem... and the next...
So. Some highlights. ... WILLY Boy...you read my thoughts! You've got the Shinning. BART You mean "Shining." WILLY Shh! You want to get sued? Now look, boy. If your Dad goes gaga, you just use that...shin of yours to call me and I'll come a running. But don't be reading my mind between four and five. That's Willy's time! ... (Homer chops through a door) HOMER Heeeere's Johnny! (But nobody's there.) D'oh! (Homer chops through another door) HOMER Daaavid Letterman! ABE Hi David, I'm Grampa. HOMER D'oh! (Homer chops through a third door) HOMER I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on "60 Minutes!" FAMILY Aaaaah! ... HOMER Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover. Urge to kill...fading...fading...fading -- rising! Fading... fading. Come, family. Sit in the snow with Daddy and let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow. TV Live, from Broadway, it's the Tony Awards! FROZEN BART Homer...change channel! HOMER Can't! Frozen! Urge to kill...rising... ... HOMER As long as I stand perfectly still and don't touch anything, I won't destroy the future. Stupid bug! You go squish now! ... MOE It's not so bad, Homer. They...go in through your nose and...they let you keep the piece of brain they cut out. Look! (to his brain, in the jar) Ooh! Hello! Hello there! Who's that big man there? Who's that? ... SKINNER Oh, relax, kids, I've got a gut feeling Uter is around here somewhere. After all, isn't there a little Uter in all of us? In fact, you might even say we just ate Uter and he's in our stomachs right now! Wait...scratch that one. |
I have this mug on my desk, with a picture of Homer raising a mug o' beer and exclaiming..
"To alchohol! The cause of- and solution to- all of life's problems" *Edited to add: D'oh! GD sorta beat me to it. |
Mmmm... unexplained bacon!
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Homer: "I love you, Pepsi."
Pepe: "Pepe." Homer: "Pepe." |
Before I leave my office for the day...
*Ralph Wiggum: "My cat's breath smells like cat food" "I bent my Wookie!" "Somebody took my juice money!" "You choo-choo-choose me?" |
Mmm... sacrelicious.
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LISA
Look! It's J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books! You've turned a generation of kids onto reading. ROWLING Thank you, young Muggle. LISA Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series? ROWLING (sighs) He grows up and marries you. Is that what you want to hear? LISA (sighs) Yes. |
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there please save me Superman!
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I am so smart S-M-R-T! D'oh!
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Ralph: Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
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The ring came off my pudding can!
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64 slices of American cheeeeeese. *droooool*.
63, 62.........2, 1. I think I'm blind! |
Yoink!
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Mr. Burns: Doughnuts? I told you I don't like ethnic food!
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Homer: Dear Mr. Burns. I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood, and your card was just great! In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic! YOU STINK! Could you read that last part back to me?
Bart: You stink! Homer: Heh-heh-heh, good. You are a senile, bucktoothed, old mummy, with bony girl arms, and you smell like… Bart: An elephant's butt? Homer: Heh-heh, an elephant's butt! |
*Mr Burns: ahoy hoy!
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Ketchup...catsup. Ketchup...catsup. Whoo, I'm way over my head here.
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Lunchlady Doris: More testicles means more iron!
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Bart: *cracks knuckles* Ow! My bones are so brittle! But I always drink plenty of....malk?
Malk carton: Now with vitamin R |
Lisa goes into the kitchen, sees Bart eating bread.
Lisa: I thought I told you to go to bed! Bart: Yeah right, bread. You said: go to bread. Lisa: [clenching her teeth] I said, go to bed! Bart: Yeah. Go to bread. Lisa: B-E-D! BED! Bart: Ohhhhh, bed! Ohh! Anything you say, sis! |
Lunchlady Doris: There's very little meat in these gym mats.
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Image of Mr. Burns on Smithers' computer: Hello Smithers. You're really good at turning me on.
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*Mr. Burns to Krusty: "Excuse me, where are the Burns O's?"
*Lunchlady Doris: "They're rich in bunly goodness" *Krusty: "And now a word from our new sponsor, (groans) Percodan!" |
Kang: Oh, you look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in mass?
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Ranier Wolfcastle: Mein bratwurst has a first name, it's F-R-I-T-Z, Mein bratwurst has a second name, it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.
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*Homer (after building a structure just like the Amish, rather then a swimming pool): "D'oh-eth!"
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Flanders: Son of a diddly!
Homer [singing]: If you're happy and you know it say a swear Nelson Muntz: Boobs! Milhouse: Hiney! Ralph Wiggum: Mittens! |
*Lisa (to a naked Homer): "Dad! Hide your shame!"
*Flanders (to a naked Homer): "I can see your doodle!" |
Oh, you look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in mass?
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Now Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.
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:D For more information on Grand Funk, consult your school library!! |
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what is this thread about ?? I don't get it? :rolleyes:
"you're charming the pants off of me" "What did you say, Aunt Selma?" "I said take off those damn glasses" |
"Ow! Quit it".
(repeat over and over and over....) |
I am the lizard queen!
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Bart: (When chastised by Marge for saying the word "hell" just after church) How the HELL am I supposed to learn about HELL if I'm not allowed to say the word HELL?!?
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"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."
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Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, I'd like you to remember Matthew 7:26. "The foolish man who built his house upon the sand."
Homer: [pointing a finger] And you remember... [thinks] Homer: Matthew... 21:17. Reverend Lovejoy: [confused] "And he left them and went out of the city, into Bethany, and he lodged there?" Homer: Yeah. Think about it. |
Homer: "Stupid Flanders & his misleading silhouette!"
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More from my favorite one time characters Don Brodka:
Don Brodka: I'm calling your parents! Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? This is detective Don Brodka from Try-N-Save security. That's right, Don Brodka. Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting. Uh huh. Yeah, it's a shame, I know, but...well, try and have a merry Christmas. (Hangs up) They weren't home, uh huh. But I left a message on their answering machine, that's right.
------------------------------- Don Brodka: Hey, kid: one more thing. If you ever set foot in this store again, you'll be spending Christmas in juvenile hall. Capisce?.... Well, do you understand? Bart: Everything except "capisce". ------------------------------- Marge: That's crazy Bart's not a shoplifter, he's just a little boy. Brodka: Oh sure, now he's a little boy stealing little toys but someday he will be a grown man stealing stadiums and-and quarries. |
Sideshow Bob: Madam, your children are no more....than a pair of ill-bread troublemakers
Marge: List too? Bob: Especially Lisa. But especially Bart! |
Everything's coming up Milhouse!
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I was totally thinking of this Thread last night! My brother Trevor and I were having dinner at the Charthouse in Newport Beach over the weekend. Sitting by the ocean, the subject of clams popped up (I don't know why) and it reminded me of the episode (22 Short Films About Springfield?) where Principal Skinner cooks dinner for Superintendent Chalmers, burns it, and then sneaks Krusty Burgers into the house referring to them as "steamed hams". We were laughing so hard about that!
Our favorite line from that vignette? Agnes Skinner: "Seymour! The house is on fire!! Seymour Skinner: "No, Mother. That's just the Northern Lights." Okay, maybe it's not as funny in type, but we died laughing all evening over that!! :D |
"Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham."
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"Well, scaeagles, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham."
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Why is it Simpsons lines pop up in my mind at night when I'm trying to fall asleep, and I can never, ever remember them the next day when I try to post them? Damn!
Hmmm. Let's see if I can think of some.. Homer: "Bart! Your Spaghetti & Moeballs are going to get cold!" Apu: "Do not be offering my God a peanut!" Marge (on going to Church): "Homer, the Lord only asks for one hour a week." Homer: "Then he should have made the week an hour longer." Homer (after passing Smithers a joint): "Start inhalin', Waylon!" |
Homer: "Just a statue? Is the Statue of Liberty just a statue? Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza just a statue?"
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Milhouse: "So this is what it feels like.....when doves cry!"
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We now interupt the usual quote making frivolity to remind those who care that Season Ten hits DVD shelves today. Now back to your regularly scheduled fun. :cool:
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Thank you, xharryb! I KNEW IT!! And my stepmom told me Season 10 was available next Tuesday!!! I need to call her and tell her it's today! I'm so hittin' Best Buy after work and pickin' it up, along with that gore-fest 300 for my fella! :) :snap:
Does anybody remember when they went to Japan and they passed the Hello Kitty factory, which was filled with howling cats & smoke stacks? I thought of that this morning and couldn't stop laughing. More quotes? You know, I can never, ever remember when I'm at work. All the number crunching & punching absolutely fries my pea brain. :p |
Shucks. I have to wait until payday... Friday. :)
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Marge: "I just realized we never had a wedding for the cat and the dog…they've been living in sin!"
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As I prepared to leave work yesterday, excited about picking up the new DVDs on my way home, I realized I didn't have my wallet. :( So I guess I'll have to try again today.
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D'oh! ;) |
Thanks to xharryb's reminder, I picked up Season 10 on the way home from work yesterday, along with 300 & The Hills: Season 2. This is why I do my best not to shop. I'm like Homer around doughnuts. ;)
However, I was so sleepy last night, that I didn't have a chance to watch the DVD's. I noticed, though, that some of my favorties are on there, and that got me thinkin' about more quotes... Homer: "Pinchy, I made you some risotto!" Marge (on Homer's new invention- a gun that shoots make-up on your face): "I think you have it set on "whore" |
I remembered one of my favorites!
Homer (after hitting a statue of a deer with his car): "D'oh!" Marge: A deer! Lisa: A female deer! :D |
Homer: But Marge, I was a political prisoner!
Marge: How were you a political prisoner? Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram? |
Not sure how long the promotion lasts, but I got a free $5 gift card at Target with my Simpsons DVD purchase. :D
I also caved to temptation and picked up Muppet Show season 2 which they had on sale this week as well. Guess I'll be having a lazy day of DVD watching instead of driving over to Orlando on my day off. :blush: |
I got that $5 gift card too! How cool was that? :snap:
Target was on my way home, as Best Buy was not. Plus, I was able to give my Target card a little work-out. Better then my Mastercard. ;) |
I got my $5 gift card! :D
"Look, Marge! Maggie's lost her baby legs!" |
"All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school!"
(okay, I cheated, that's Futurama. But that line, and that whole episode, crack me up) |
"Give a hoot! Read a book!" ~ Krusty
:D |
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