Late Breaking News! Iowa Man Beaten with Bag of Cheetos is "OK"
 

Our National Nightmare is Over. Man beaten with cheetos declared to be recovering, looking forward to moving on with life ...





To read story, click here

Evidence eaten!

Cheetos "Cheetah" claims to know nothing!

Family of beaten man distressed as our nations celebrities show support for snack food!

OMG.

This is why I never really want to work for news again.

Any punk-assed kid who assaults me with a bag of Cheetos better follow it up with a Slurpee thrown at my head -- if he knows what's good for him.

Got those yellowstain blues . . . .

I saw this on the news the other day and we wondered how you could possibly be hurt by a bag of cheetos!?

Cholesterol, for one.

Food Fight!
 

Man Armed With Onion Attacks Wife!

James Izzolena ... was charged with domestic assault causing injury. Police said he became upset with his wife, Nicole Izzolena, 27, and tossed an onion at her, striking her in the back of the head ... She told police it made her head hurt.

To read story and see photo of Mr. Izzolena (Arresting photograph or Gap ad? You choose!) click here

What does this woman know about the onion?

Drinking and onions is never a good combo.

See? Snack food is dangerous.

However, I don't think there is much cholesterol in Cheetos. Gobs of fat, though.

I love the Hot Cheetos! :evil:

Hot cheetos will never be in my house again. Not since I chowed down on them one night and had the poo burned out of me the next morning. OMG that was hot!

Fire in the hole!

I hate the police. I hate the retarded city attorneys who prosecute this crap. It is a scam to try and suck money out of people who should never be in jail (and on the taxpayers dime, no less)-- all for political reasons.

City Attorney Ralph Fukwad is TOUGH on domestic violence!

Domestic violence is a huge problem, of course, but dear lord why don't we try saving our taxpayer dollars to prosecute people who have actually hurt other people? Oh yeah, because Ralph Fukwad wants to further his political career by saying that his office has prosecuted and won X amount of DV cases. Who cares that some of them were silly drunken food fights? Your tax dollars at work.

Oh. Image. Bad.

I did always call those things flaming hot hemorrhoids. I mean, if you HAD to picture a hemorrhoid, wouldn't it look like a flaming hot cheeto?

Can't wait for the first news story about ThinKrisps being winged at someone's head.

Yesterday was taser day, today is is all about the food fight. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

This story sounds easy and Cheeeesy. ;)

A bowl of hot oatmeal flung in grandpa's lap......

Grandpa's oatmeal is waiting to touch you, deep within....

Those things have sharp edges! I'm betting it'd result in decapitation. :eek:

Can you imagine the guy's next employment application?

"I got arrested for tossing orange snack food."

I bet he'll stick to Pringles from now on.

At least the can will lend a little credibility to assault and battery.