I think I need a Christmas mental makeover-
 

Repeat this mantra- it's not about STUFF- it's not about GIFTS, it's not about a load of CRAP under the tree!

Crap they won't care about in 2 weeks.

Why and when and where did I develop this idea that my kids needed oodles of STUFF to open on Christmas, and oodles of stuff for their stockings?

My parents? Yes. To some extent- because the gifts always filled the space under the tree plus more. Stockings were always filled with lots of fun little things-

Not anymore of course- we kids are grown and my parents don't have the $$ to spend on such insane frivolity- yet I know I got this mentality in part from them.

I love to give gifts- and my daughter is a good example of being spoiled. She's sweet as can be but she has SO MUCH stuff she neither remembers nor cares about most of it.

So why do I struggle with there not being more STUFF to give? I don't have the funds to buy them everything they want all in one shot. Nor would they appreciate it all- if they get too much they just want more and they don't appreciate what they have! Maybe- just maybe if they get a couple of things that they really want they will enjoy them more?

I can remember opening a dozen presents or more- Dudley Dursley am I indeed- though not as nasty :p This year though my family has 2 gifts per person-and one is from the kids and one is from the adults.

If I let every member of my family buy gifts for every other member of the family? Let's see-6 in my family, then 2 for outside family (more if you count R's family as well- but we don't for this purpose)- so 8 total gifts for 8 people- maybe even 10 if you count two couples as 4 people and not 2.....

64-80 gifts. 64 to 80 GIFTS!!!!! Add that up!

Holy hell- no wonder my brain is fried.

Why is it like this? How to I fix it?????

**headdesk** :(

One big family gift - a vacation, a trip somewhere special. Give memories, not stuff.

Make it fun though, make a scavenger hunt, or wrap up clues in boxes for them to open (one box has travel sized toiletries in it, another has a book about where you're going or what you are going to do, etc...). Then they have *stuff* to open but it's to meet an end.

Boy, do I feel your pain. We've told Tori that this year, it's quality, not quantity. She seems good with that, but now I have the two sides of family to address. We always buy gifts for the kids, but there are soooooo frikken many of them! We just can't keep up, so we're considering just giving the older ones gift certificates or money, and not a huge amount either.

I've gotten so I hate the scurry of Christmas. I love the lights and the smells, but the shopping part I hate - which is odd for someone who loves to shop. We went to Target yesterday for a shower curtain and curtain rod. It was a NIGHTMARE! Crowds, parking mess, crazy stressed people, screaming children - Calgon take me away!

I'd much prefer to have a gathering, a meal, a hot drink, a good Christmas story read aloud.

I think that is why New Years has become THE winter holiday of preference.

At least this year, it's pared back for me. I'm not a mega gift-giver. If I find something that makes me think of someone when I see it, I'll get it and hold onto it if there's a holiday around or I'll give it to them right away.

My father's side of the family is ridiculous about the number of gifts given each year. I don't like having a bunch of random things, so it ends up somewhat aggravating for me - even if I put on the Alex "ahh shucks" act and do it for them. This year, since I'm moving and I'm WAY too busy to set aside days to buy gifts, I've notified them that I won't be getting gifts for anyone except grandma, two aunts and my dad, who will all get coffee, since they love it so much anyway. My sister will get her birthday gift (She's a NYE baby). And that's it.

In kind, I've explained that I'm getting rid of a lot of stuff and don't want to haul a bunch of random things to Utah, so they're not to get me anything. My aunts, dad and grandma, on the other hand, will be getting me Target gift cards. Which, considering South Ogden is bereft of normal grocery stores, will help me eats while J is on his work trip and I'm looking for a job. Go Target!

I'm happy.

It was nice to be up front with them about it.

~Ancient Chinese Secret~

I miss the old commercials(sorry about the derail):D

My recommendation is theft.
If we learned anything from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" it's that stealing gifts from your fellow townsfolk will ultimately cheer them up and make them better people.
:D

You're a mean one

:D

We've gone the route of picking names for Christmas - so each adult buys for one adult. But we do that on both sides of the family - so we've got 2.

But we also do a pirate gift exchange and that's fun.

AND - we do buy for all the nieces and nephews - so that's 6 more.

But it's much better than it used to be buying for everyone.

We've spent several years spoiling the kids (computers, DVD recorders, iPods, Wiis -- all expensive stuff) but this year they know we're really broke. The older kids (hubby's) don't really want stuff anymore -- or at least they're mature enough to say they don't want anything, but mine, the youngest, keeps saying heartbreaking things like "I know you can't afford it, Mommy, but if you could, I'd like_____________." It's really hard. :( After years of bounty, to have a sudden drought to explain sure is a splash of cold water on kids. (<--- that is one of the funniest sentences I've ever seen myself write!) Anyway, I know how you feel Nephy...our little tree is going to look really empty at the bottom this year. It breaks my heart.

Neph: FWIW, Silly string occupies a large portion of the space in a stocking. So do bottles of bubbles :)

I know.....why can't someone do a Christmas show where the "Grinch, Mr Potter, Scrooge, etc" gets their just deserts in the end;)

I think that's why I like Miracle on 34th street....that quack of a doctor got his:)

I always hated that nothing happened to Mr. Potter. But, in the end, his just desserts was that he was alone on Christmas, had to work while everyone else was celebrating at the Bailey household and no one liked him.

I never had Christmas as a child - I want lots of stuff!!

How about giving bad memories?

Okay, here's how cheap a$s my mom is:
When I was 20, she bought me a Fossil watch for Christmas and mailed it to me (I was in college). A month later, it broke. I was bummed. So she said to mail it back. After that, I kinda forgot about the watch.
On my birthday, in March, my mom mailed the fixed watch to me with a note attached to it: "Happy Birthday".
That was it. No other present that year. She exchanged it for one that worked and now it was my birthday present, too.
Cheap dinglecheese.
:D

If either of my parents even remembered the day of my birth I'd cheer. :rolleyes:

I haven't gotten a birthday present from my parents (parent, now) since I was in college.

Well, I advertise.
:D
They usually just send cash nowdays.
I talk up my birthday at least a week beforehand... and Xmas for that matter.

I totally get what you are saying, Nephy. On one hand, it feels really good to give things to your kids that you know they will enjoy. It is so fun to see the excited look on their faces as they open gifts. At the same time, we (all of us) buy way too much stuff in this country. I don't want to pass on that kind of consumerism to the kids. So, my solution is to do xmas somewhat low key and find other opportunities to experience excitement with my kids. Discovering new things, learning together, going new places, and just plain having fun with them all give me (and them) that same thrill. We also extend our xmas experience by making xmas crafts, doing solstice festivities with friends, etc. in the few weeks before xmas.

Last year was our first xmas and it really seemed like we were trying to fill some quota of gifts. This year my philosophy is a bit different. I want Indi and Jade to have the memories I don't have of receiving their hearts desires at a special time with his family. I also want them to always feel that we live in a universe of abundance and that there is always a way for them to have what they desire (though it doesn't always need to come from me). We are getting one large gift for both of them (a train table), then for Indi we are getting him Optimus Prime and Santa is bringing a roboraptor, Jade is getting stuff a two year old likes (um, ok, I'm not really sure what yet and honestly she doesn't care very much either), plus a few open ended toys like tinker toys, puzzles, books, etc. for them to share. We have a few relatives that will get them things as well. In their stockings will be some candy canes, maybe a few very small, very cheap, toys, a flashlight, and some fruit/snacks.

Even though I'm trying to keep things low key giftwise that still seems like a lot of stuff to me. I wouldn't feel bad if it was less. But we are pretty frugal the rest of the year and we don't buy them much in general. Plus Indi is growing out of the preschoolish toys he has now and is ready to move on to bigger kids stuff.

Nephy, maybe you could figure out the feelings you and your kids want to experience associated with xmas and find ways to have that without buying excessively.

As far as Christmas goes, we have a "quantity issue" for our girls because each our parents are divorced...so that makes for 4 sets of grandparents that want to spoil them. Add the 2 aunts and 1 uncle into the mix and we have presents galore. Unfortunately, this amounts to a good 12+ presents for each kid.

Now, I don't mind the day being a big event for them as long as it is done with the proper perspective. First off, our kids know the phrase, "If you really want that then ask for it for your birthday/Christmas." They know that their needs are always going to be met, but the special stuff comes on special days. We do not indulge them the rest of the year. Secondly, we donate pretty heavily to food drives, we perform countless service projects for Girl Scouts, and we contribute to the “adopt a family” program at church. But I believe our most important tradition is to have each of our girls pick out and shop for their own Christmas Angel. It is their responsibility to provide for that child and deliver it themselves. I may not be able to stop their grandparents from going overboard, but I can make sure that they will always understand the meaning of "giving" this time of year.

This year my girls will be opening one box from us with 3 Disney cutie purses filled with knickknacks I've picked up from the Character Warehouse. Each will have a separate cryptic note formatted on the old DL entrance sign. When they put them together, they'll figure out that their Christmas present is a trip out to DL on New Year's Day where we'll be meeting up with Katiesue if she doesn't kick it by then ;).

swanie

I got a 35mm camera for my 16th Birthday, which was also my Christmas present, and my next years birthday present. Top that :rolleyes:

You win.

Here are all the gifts I've ever gotten from my parents:

* a very small teddy bear when I was five at a "report card party"
* a tiny Ernie doll that my dad brought back when he went out of town
* a dog from my dad (ok, that was really cool) when I was eight
* I got to pick out a toy at a toy store once, I didn't want to take too much, so I picked out another small bear
* a doll at another report card party
* The board game Huggermugger from my dad when I was twelve (that game rocks!
* a bracelet from my mom when I graduated high school and a watch from my dad
* $100 worth of flowers for my wedding from my dad
* $50 for my wedding from my mom
* a talking picture frame for my fourth anniversary from my mom

I am not kidding you, that is every gift I've ever gotten from my parents in my entire life. And though we weren't rich, it wasn't really because we were poor. It was because my parents spent all their money on a dysfunctional money war. My dad bought a motorcycle without telling my mom, so she had to have a horse, he spent a ton of money on show pigeons and model airplanes (the kind you fly), so my mom had to have Bonsai and antique musical instruments, my dad spent $3500 on an early computer, etc... Though I will say that a good side of that is that I don't have any interest in getting gifts for special occassions unless they are inspired. And I have no sense of obligatory gift giving.

Every Birthday: $50 check from Dad and a $20 bill from Mom

Okay, I have a hideous story to tell. You know, since we're kinda dredging up the family angst.
:D

When I was 6, my dad called me from work and told me that he bought me a dog for my birthday. I was thrilled. I started making a bed for him and getting bowls together for his food and water... My dad shows up with a ceramic bloodhound statue. It was to be used as a doorstop.

I was devistated. He thought it was funny. I did not.

OMG, GC!!!! That is sooooo mean. That is took my nephew to a burned down warehouse and told him Disneyland had burned down mean.

Michael's parents once sold his dog while he was at school without any warning at all.

It's even worse than you think.
Prior to the ceramic dog affair, we had moved from a house to a townhouse. The townhouse was too small for my 2 pet Basenjis. So my parents gave them to my grandfather (my dad'd dad, not my mom's dad who I adored) and he put them to sleep. He said they were aggressive and bit him. He had them put down.
So, dogs were a touchy subject with me (at freakin' 6 years old) and the ceramic dog joke didn't go off too well with me.

Years later, when the ceramic dog got chipped and broken, I threw him away. Before I did, though, I threw it against a brick wall shattering it.
;)

Edited to add: I never forgave my grandfather for that and did not speak to him from that point until his death about 5 years ago.

Wow. This has become such a cheerful thread.

Sorry, I'll stop.
Sorry for derailing, Nephy.

......


Happy story:

My parents had the most hideous fake Christmas tree ever. It rotated when it was plugged in and played various carols in beeping noises.

Horrible.

:D

But you know, it made me call my sister and my mom in the past hour and make amends, so it's a pretty good thread. Dad and brothers are next. I am facing the family fear-thing...wooo!

Merry fvcking xmas!

Now shut up and enjoy your gruel!


:p

My mother had a fake tree that had recirculating fake snow (tiny eeney beeny styrofoam balls) and at the bottom of the tree was basically a cardboard trough and the vacuum thing would suck them back up the central tube to fall again. Our poodle loved to leap into the trough and the damned little styrofoam balls would get all over the house/ This was a full size tree, btw.

Both of those are awesome! My hubby read something that people cherish memories and experiences more than things, so money is better spent doing rather than getting stuff. I love how your kids have to cooperate to find out the solution to the riddle!

My mom had one of those! The cat would climb it until it fell over. Repeatedly.

In cheerful news, my brother put up the (old) tree that mom gave him from her garage. It's good that it's seeing the light of day and being decorated and loved. This is a different tree, not the one with the styrofoam. I don't remember what happened to that one.

Derail is welcome- may the thread wander as it will in regards to bad gifts, bad memories, good gifts good memories etc etc etc....

Let it flow-

..and hugs hun- your dog story is heart breaking.

GC wins. My runner up story was all I wanted for Christmas was a Chatty Cathy. Christmas morning open the box and it's a Chatty Cathy box, but it doesn't have a Chatty Cathy in it. It's some other gift. Woo hoo.

Okay, someone still makes the xmas tree snowing thing

Note to KB and BtD, the advert for an I heart Porn bumpersticker and a whole lot of other stupid sheyt too!

When my dad had his giant model train set up - taking up two rooms in the basement - the pathway between the two rooms included a mountain with the fake snow thing. It was cheesy, but fun. We'd always run the trains at Christmas, with all the little accessories - the milk bottle car, the cattle loader, the coal loader, the logging car, and the little pump handle car that would zip along the track until it hit something (usually your hand) and then changed directions. It was loud and sparked a lot!

My seizures are under control, I've got great friends, there is almost always a great (sometimes cheap) show somewhere near by. Merry freakin' Christmas everyday!

Just what could somebody buy me that I really need, that I haven't already got?

Nephy, I totally feel you on this one.

For our first "seperated" Christmas I want Nick to still feel special. I know it is going to be hard on him this year. Over at the in-law's is going to be especially tough. David's parents went from having to buy for 3 of us to 7 of them (David, Nick, Her and her 4 (yes 4) kids). I really hope they do right by Nickolas, but I sort of doubt it. For his birthday his grandparents gave him a pair of sweatpants and $5. His older aunt gave him a football, one step up from a carnival prize. David's younger sister totally made his day when she gave him the new Zelda game for his DS.

I know it isn't about the stuff, but at the same time he came home a bit hurt. He is old enough to know that his is the only b-day over there that gets short changed because it is near Christmas.

I feel guilty. I feel like I am trying to buy his affection by giving him a Wii for Christmas. I would have done this had David still been here. I even considered asking hi if he wanted to go in on it with me, but quickly decided against that (he stil owes me $$$$ from summer daycare). I started off with 2 games for it and now I am up to 5 and 2 for his DS. I feel out of control, but the only thing keeping me happy is imagining how shocked and happy he will be on Christmas. He knows we don't have money for extras right now, but he also still thinks Santa will bring him something cool.

My parents have been so great helping me out that I don't want them to get me anything for Christmas. Unfortunatly my mom has a strong sense of fairness and I have an older sister who keeps asking for more.

Other than Nick and my neices, everyone else is getting nummies. I will spend the 2 weeks before the Holiday baking and fudging my little heart out.

Santa is going to bring me a new pair of jeans, I only have 1 pair that fit and even those are starting to sag a bit.

I want to get a silver aluminum tree on a rotating stand with one of those cheesy color wheels to light it up.

For some reason, I don't think Susan will let me.

Okay, I want to get a silver aluminum tree on a rotating stand with one of those cheesy color wheels to light it up and SNOW floating down it (and gets all around our house so that it makes a mess and our cats ingest it and make all sorts of weird poop).

I just want an aluminum tree.

My mom once mentioned that she wanted a tacky tinsel tree. This year Boy and I were at Michaels and found 2' tree in hot pink. She loves it.

We had to decorate our desks at work for a contest. I know I didn't win, but it sure was fun.

Here's the thing-it should not matter if there is less under the tree if it is gifts they really want.

Right?

WHAT is wrong with me that I can't stop feeling bad that I don't have a couple grand to spend on my family for Christmas? I look at the little pile of gifts and feel bad but in those gifts is plenty of $$-

I bought my parents the biggest gift this year- they have done SO much for me and for us- my brother and I went in on a combo gift. I bought them a Wii and a game from my kids- he bought them two games, a Wii Mote and a Nunchuck- so they have 4 games to play and two controllers. We want to make this special for them and neither of us want much this year anyway-

Ian- XBox 360 game-Spiderman Friend or Foe and the Spiderman 3 special DVD set.

Braden- so far just a PS2 game- Darkwatch- that he has been asking for for ages.

Rose- got her the High School Musical game for the Wii- comes with a mic and you can sing all the songs from the movies. I also got her the Bratz movie.

Davis is on hiatus- he is not here so I am not going to spend $$ on him. I have time to get him something before he gets home.

I grabbed a DVD set that Ria has been asking for-

So far I have nothing for my brother and his wife, and I need one more thing for Braden and Ria-I am giving framed pictures of our family to his two sets of parents, my two grandfathers and my parents.

Got a few fun things for stockings- and I am going to get a family gift- I am thinking of a game for our 360- Scene It?

So when you add up the games and all- it adds up. They are NICE gifts- just not ALOT of them.

I think this is going to haunt me til Christmas is over. I talked to Braden about it yesterday and he did not seem to mind less gifts-

Maybe it is just me....:( my kids keep looking under the tree and getting all excited about what is in the gifts- they are not looking at the tree going "where is everything?".....

My dumb puppy gobbled up the wrapping on one of Rose's gifts- stepped all over it. Lucky it was just the box she smooshed. *sigh*

Funny you should say this, as it reminds me of a scenario I came across when I was younger. Nickolas' situation is much harder for him to cope with (because of the other family stuff that's been going on), but I think you'll see the similarities.

All of us grandkids were hunky dory. It's not as though we ever got a crapton of gifts or anything, but it was all pretty good. On my dad's side of the family, my youngest aunt was always the favored one, the one my grandma got to (in a sense) live her missed life vicariously through. Everyone else was a black sheep of sorts, but it was okay, since everything always seemed pretty equitable. Every year for my birthday, I got a card. I'd learned not to expect anything from my father, because he was a flake, but his family always came through and helped me to feel loved.

My cousin, daughter of the favored aunt, who I love and adore comes along. Understandably, there was a hubbub at that first Christmas, since she was born the week before, but it was the following year that caught me off-guard. No card, on my birthday, no gifts at Christmas, no calls. No one came out and said it, but I knew at 12 what was up, and it hurt. It's not even like I needed the material things, but I felt totally forgotten because now there was someone new and exciting around, and since I was in growing up in Michigan, I was easy to forget.

It was then that I realized that gifts weren't the thing to be worried about in life. Sure, that side of the family is still super-gifty, but I don't really sweat it. I live here now and though I'm remembered, I'm told about things as an after-thought. I've never really gotten as much as other cousins on that side, and I've just gotten over it. I've created a personality around being the undemanding one (the one that doesn't borrow a few grand in an emergency) and in the end, I'm just not as close to that side (maybe because I'm not spending time over there sucking up for money).

I hope that Nick isn't forgotten. I was resentful not because of the gifts but because of the comparison... the change in my reality. I didn't really say anything about it, but I was hurt. Don't feel bad about wanting to buy him more, but I caution anyone against getting too much. I've seen what's happened with my mom and my sisters, wherein my mom buys way too much crap to keep my sisters "happy" (which they're not) after all the drama of the last 7 or so years.

I'll be thinking of you.

And Nephy ---- CAN I BE YOUR KID??

This year don't you mean "can I be your parent?" :D


The kids gifts are cool- my parents gift is amazing.

It's going to be totally hard to not succumb to the Dudley Syndrome, but I am determined to stick it out, particularly after spending a huge amount of time cleaning out the Girl's second bedroom. (Yes, it was full of barely used or broken crap).:rolleyes:

I won't object if anyone wants to buy me a Wii.

Good point!

Probably not something you want to do, but Susan has just wrapped empty boxes to put under the tree. It is a nice touch to make things more festive from the start.

I also have no objections if someone wants to buy BTD a Wii.

OMG you are brilliant.

If this is a mental block for me- the "lack" of gifts under the tree- wrapping empty boxes and then putting the gifts in among them may fix that for me...

I may in fact want to do just that!

My mom called last night. She's getting Madz and her cousin sugar tongs for Christmas. They are going to be so thrilled Christmas morning :rolleyes:

Nephy - what about the ole box within a box trick. Wrapping a the gift in larger and larger boxes. More to open, makes it harder to guess as the shapes are disguised, and it will take up more volume under the tree.

Sugar tongs? Wtf? There must be more to this- spill, please.:D

17 boxes is my personal record.

I got a pack of cards in a series of boxes that started out with a large box that formerly held multiple boxes of Tide laundry detergent.

She took the girls to a high tea this fall. (neither of them had fun nor drank any tea). They had never seen sugar cubes and apparently were fascinated with them. So she decided they needed sugar tongs for Christmas.

I was laughing with a class mate while watching an old video clip in Consumer Behavior. This kid opens his Christmas present and... it's a Nintendo 64. Kid starts wigging out and screaming. I'll have to find it later when I have a little more time to search for it...

Anyhow, I just thought it would have been funny if it was stuffed with socks and underwear. I had that happen to me, and while it's funny in retrospect, I was pissed then. It was one of the neighbor's old boxes... Grrr... At any rate, I did get an NES the following year, but that's not the point.

How funny would it be to give your parents the box filled with total nonsense, and then give them the Wii separately, later? I giggled about that thought pretty hard in class... Then again, I have a penchant for finding mild cruelty to be pretty funny.

(Now, back to my regularly scheduled class...)

Erica, your post reminded me of when my future MIL gave me a present. I opened the present to discover a hand held vacuum container. I was thrilled, because I had cats and messy nieces and nephews and I could have really used it. When I opened it, I discovered a leather mini skirt inside. (I was pretty techno-punk back then, so she thought that would be something I'd want). I was really kind of disappointed, as was she- the skirt cost triple what the vacuum would have.

Not age appropriate but something they can save for the future. When they become all lady like. Guess you better not send M with me to the concert. I wouldn't want to corrupt her into being a lifelong tomboy ;)

My FIL once gave me as a gift (early in Susan and my relationship), a hand-painted ceramic figure of an owl with a graduation cap and gown. It obviously had been around a while and had a chip in it. He kept a straight face, so I felt it prudent to act pleased with my gift.

I did get even with him a few years later (I am lucky to have a cool FIL).

I once received a coconut and a thing of pirate band-aids.

...oh wait, that was on purpose ;)

I got a bag of apples for Christmas once.

I got a box of rocks once. For being nosey.

"Sugar tongs".
Sounds like a term of endearment.

"Come here, Sugar Tongs. Give me a hug."
:D

One of these days, I really should give someone a lump of coal...

I am of the opinion that it's always better to solve things from the inside out. The box thing is a very outside in solution, it may help you feel better on a superficial level, but you still aren't addressing the real problem, which is your hangup about not feeling "good enough" with xmas. JMO.

I GOT A GIANT RUBBER DILDO.

Depends upon who gave it to her. If say, her grandfather gave it to her, that might be a bit disturbing.

ugh *shudder*

Curse you for putting that image in my head UGH UGH

Not necessarily NSFW, but spoilerized just in case.

that gives new meaning to "giving the dog a bone"

Oh, is that the one doing battle with the Transformer thingies?

What did you do to get back at him?

Her.

And now that I think about it, I don't think we ever did. At least not specifically.

Sure ya did- you're still in the picture!;):D


(That's my revenge as well).

Not a surprise that NA would say something like that. Had she added "double-sided"... that would have been surprising.
:D

Okay the one in the spoilerized photo disturbs me... who could possibly use that?

(Bing Crosby sits by his fireplace in a smoking jacket with a mug of hot cider in one hand. A lit Christmas tree sits to his left.)
Bing: "Hello, friends. You know, nothing says Christmas like a giant rubber double-sided dong."

:D


How did Nephy's Christmas thread turn into a discussion about NA's dong?

A friend of ours was sitting in her living room one day, listening to her three-year-old daughter walking around the house singing. She looked up to see her daughter's "microphone": mommy's vibrator :eek:

This is the LoT - what more do you need to know?

Trust me, there are some guys out there that would use that just to "warm up".

The real question is why did it take so long for the topic to turn to this? We must be getting old.