Your Zombie Plan?
 

Bringing a discussion going on elsewhere to the LoT for your swanky twist ...

When the zombie/velociraptor apocalypse comes, what will you do?

After gathering my kids, I'm grabbing all knives and Luna bars in my kitchen and heading to the basement. The basement is pretty easily defended - the only entrance is the stairs. The windows are too small for zombies or velociraptors. We have plenty of books, a computer, and an elliptical down there for passing the time between attacks.

What's your zombie plan?

Well, since according to some I live in zombie-land, I will continue as normal.

However, should it be vampires or other beasties of the night or slime from underneath rocks like mutated dungeness crab the size of Treasure Island, I shall grab Tango, a few bits of Valentino and my external hard drive will all my important data (like the book draft) and be on my way to a secret cove somewhere in Lincoln Park.

I for one welcome our new velocezombiraptor overlords.

My beagle! I forgot the beagle. And a beagle is probably the first thing a zombie would grab for it's precious, unicorn-pure blood.

Follow the dreams to Hemingford Home, Nebraska, then on to Colorado...

Moving into my 60s era bomb shelter.

1) If Night of the Living Dead is any indication, while the basement may be reasonably secure against zombies, one of your kids (or your beagle) will already have been infected and will kill you.

2) Are they fast zombies or slow zombies?

3) College-age hippie response: Only the zombies don't know that the raptors have already come.

I don't know what I'd do but books have told me where I should go and it depends on the nature of the apocalypse. If it is viral, the survival guide tells me I should head to either Boulder or Las Vegas depending on my mood and how much I like crows vs. old black women.

If it is impactual, then I should head to the hills above the southern end of the San Joaquin Valley because that is where the astronauts will land.

If it is raptural then the manual on that one suggests finding my way to the Cascade foothills east of Oregon's Willamette Valley.

Should the apocalypse come in the form of nuclear war, one source also recommends central Oregon (Corvallis) as a fair place to get to.

If alien invasion is the issue I'll head for the rural areas around London while waiting for the storm to pass.

If instead the world should be overrun by meat eating mobile plants at the same time that an unusual meteor shower renders most of the world population blind then the Isle of Wright is where you need to get to.

Should destruction come in the form of accidentally releasing a form of room temperature ice into the environment then being on the fictional Caribbean island of San Lorenzo can get you a few extra days of survival.

Since death is inevitable, I plan to have fun with it: Gather up as many feral kittens as I can and drop them down the air vent into Scaeagles bunker.

shh. They're already here.

Oh no. I've said to much.

It's hard to find good help, so once the dust has settled, I'm going to get mysef a zombie butler a la Fido.

Hehe, that movie was fun, if flawed.

I will run. According to David Sedaris, "Zombies can't run!".

WWBD?




What Would Buffy Do?

Room Temperature Ice? Isn't that water?

She would stand and fight, of course. With her friends and a smile on her face......

;)

Hee! I think verything Sedaris knows about zombies he learned from Mel Brooks' son.

It was a cool approach to the genre, and I nice reinterpretation of the Lassie films. :)

Yes, he did. He featured that book on his last tour and did some reading from it.

I think you were the person who told me that, or it may have been my friend Kirsten. I think that is awesome. I have big zombie love and still haven't read that book, but I have his second on tape.

Interesting question. Just two days ago, my very intelligent wife told with me that one of her (also very intelligent) peers spends a reasonable amount of time planning her actions should zombies invade her home.

After working in the jail, I admit that my fear of home invasion (by real, living people) was heightened - but H and her friend's fear of zombies is more "real" to them than their fear of real criminals.

Maybe it's because the idea of an actual, thinking person violating your personal space is too much to consider, but I'm amused that Zombie-fear is so prevalent.

And look pretty hot doing it.

No, and that is why it brought about the end of the world.

Unless you're talking about Season 6, in which case she'd stand and fight, of course, all the while alienating herself from her friends and looking pretty friggin' miserable whilst having low self-esteem sex with a vampire. Hah!

Considering people seem to be getting dumber these days, I'd probably starve. ;)

I would simply use the can't-beat-'em-join-'em escape plan as devised in Shaun of the Dead. I like walking like a zombie, anyway.

Ok, that made me choike on a biscuit. Can I join ya? I have lots of kitties around here!


Although according to a few of Alex's responses it sounds like everyone should come to my house! I guess I should get a bigger house with a basement or a bomb shelter!

Hah!

Very much looking forward to seeing Jessica Stevens in Son of Rambo, which I may go see tonight.

I need to correct the Cascade foothills one. That wasn't rapturish (not sure what I was thinking). That was an apparently random change in the fundamental mechanics of the universe such that explosive combustion was no longer possible.

If that happens then I'm heading for the Willamette Valley and turning right.

WWBCD?...



This.....is my BOOM STICK!!!!

Alex knows a leeetle too much about this. Is he one of Them?

Post-apocalyptic fiction (though not so much zombies) is a particular favorite sub-genre.

In my posts there is The Stand, Lucifer's Hammer, Dies the Fire (and sequels), The Postman, War of the Worlds, The Day of the Triffids, and Cat's Cradle.

Is that opening today??? I've been excited about it for months!

A thought just occurred to me. Zombies seem to love the countryside.

I may need to set booby traps around the perimeter of my lonely house in the middle of nowhere.

What about velociraptors? Are they urban dwellers or do they lean more towards suburban environments?

Aren't they more of an island creature?

I'm going to hide out in Bono's house on the Cote d'Azur.

Are you planning on keeping them as pets? ;)

Lasso up the Zombies and feed them to the Velociraptors. Problem solved.



On second thought maybe not. I'd probably end up be being stalked by zombie Velociraptors.

velociraptor BBQ at the Capt's compound. we'll be roasting them over hickory (or perhaps just hick) zombies.

I think my sig line says it all:)

I forgot about Bob, my:

Hi-yaa, yarrr, braaaaains, bleep
Schizophrenic familiar
Four bastards in one



Not only can he kick velocizombie ass, but he makes toast!

I like toast! I shall call him Tim.

I will trot out to the dessert with a merry band of hedonists where we'll take over an abandoned resort and hot-spring to set up our artist collective and dance hall. We'll have a strict door policy - No Zombies - though on certain slow nights we might let a few in and play a few tracks from Thriller just to watch them line dance.

I'll just head to the shed and grab the lawnmower.

Oh THAT Bob. I thought you meant you battery operated boyfriend.

Sounds good. After the Trader Joe's runs out of food we may be in a bit of a pickle.

Pfft - Zombies don't shop at Trader Joes

Didn't everyone buy an emergency kit after Katrina? We should be set, right?

Are they good against zombies?

No, I figured that the odds of a hurricane hitting Dublin, California, are slim.

Plus, there aren't a lot of black people here in town so I all figure we'd get help in a reasonable amount of time should one actually happen.

VAM

I plan on watching as much tv and playing as many video games as possible. Zombies don't eat rotted brains.

I shall run screaming into the woods, trip on a tree root, twist my ankle, and scream at everyone else to "Save yourselves, leave me, I'm dead meat now".

Then I'll lie there, with my heaving bosoms surging and falling in tandem with my heavy panting breaths until I'm eaten.

Are there zombies in the outback? I know it's the place to be when there is a massive failure in the infrastructure of society due to some vague sort of apocalypse (and that souped-up muscle cars will be useful during that time), but I don't know if I've seen an Aussie zombie flick. Well, there was Dogs in Space, but those weren't real zombies, just drugged out hipsters.

Agreed, they are much more the Costco type. I see them there all the time.

I think that most ar AZ is already populated with people that have had their brains removed, so I suppose I will just keep living amongst them.

Velociraptors would be a lot more fun. I'd steal some babies and make a velociraptor circus.

If the apocalypse were like Cormac McCarthy's The Road, then I'd kill myself immediately.

Of course ! They're called Liberal Supporters.

Theme Song:

Zombie Me by No More Kings.

This painting may be a little dark/disturbing for some, but I found it amusing.

*snicker*

yeah, definitely amusing

Amusing *and* disturbing.

Before I click on it, work safe?

Yes.

Everything's work safe before you click on it.

My Zombie Plan is to throw as many humans to the zombies as necessary in order for me to make my escape. I got my idea from Bornieo when he was used as a human shield through a haunted house at USH.
:D

I assume everybody has been engaged in developing their plans through the simulator training tool known as Left 4 Dead.

No- I've been knocking down the Nazi Zombies at the end of Call of Duty.

The best way to defeat zombies is to drink them. Over and over again.

Do these particular Luna Bars have any effect on Zombies? ;)

Zombie: I have a plan...what is it?

I think being a Zombie would be a hoot. Must find my Excel spreadsheet of potential victims..

Zombie dysentary alert! I wonder what bribe it would take to get my daughters to clean that off our floors?

Oh sh!t, I'd better check the box I have in the cupboard.

Except for the employment prospects. As far as I know only the Motor Vehicle Administration, Comcast, Verizon, and SFMM openly employee zombies.

I had a pet Zombie once, and he need cleaning, as his bandages where looking rather grubby. So I put him in my washing machine on the gentle cycle.

Shortly after, my phone rang and the machine went into spin dry mode (which I had not intended). After discussing the projected weather for the next 6 days with mum, I cut off the call in sudden panic...Zombie!!!

I raced to the laundry, opened the machine, and there, in a pile of bandages was every mis-matched sock I had every lost.

The bast*rd.

Serves him right.

You forgot the public sector- Social Security, the VA, and of course the public school system.

There are some jobs even zombies won't take.

Hey!

Hey!

Zombies are entirely too loud for a library. Everyone knows libraries are staffed by vampires.;)

He's gone monosyllabic on us- sure sign of Zombiism.
:eek:

:D

This reminds me. Berkeley Public Library has run into the issue not being able to fix their self service check out machines because of the city's nuclear free zone policy.

"Berkeley, trying every day to make Michael Savage seem less like a nut."

So sic your circulation clerk zombies on Berkeley.

It's also a sign of indignation.

Wha? I don't understand. Whoosh, over my head it goes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LashStoat (Post 265798) I had a pet Zombie once, and he need cleaning, as his bandages where looking rather grubby. So I put him in my washing machine on the gentle cycle.

VSM. :D

Since that article was written, the waiver request was denied. The library now needs to go to the full city council.

I would think most Zombies would be indignant, especially public service Zombies.

And indigestible



Don't ask

At least Austin has been warned.

I found that really funny! Even the road department dude thought it was amusing, for a second at least.