I was the best of times, it was, uh, um, we don't get fooled again!
 

Stolen from NPR's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me:

What will the first sentence of Bush's memoir be?

"oops"

"My life began with what proved to be a repeating theme in my life: me causing pain and suffering and not caring much; sorry mom."

"I wrote me a book, you misunderestimating fvcks."

"I owe it all to the beer and cocaine."

How do you turn this danged thing on... Oh.

"One day my daddy told me, 'Damnit Jr., when YOU'RE President you can play frisbee golf in the oval office, until then, get the hell out!' That's the day I decided I'd do this here President thing."

"Hey, you there - get ready to read the most important buncha words that was ever put together about the most important guy of his generational time."

"I knew my legacy was cemented in history on that proud day in 2003, on the USS Lincoln, when I was able to claim our victory in Iraq and, perhaps more importantly, the liberation of the Iraqi people."

If I Did It.

Here are a few possibilities

"Dear America, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population you."

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

Still I think the most likely will be this...

"This is George. He lived in Africa." What will follow is a word for word plagerization of Curious George.

People say I was the life of the party because I told a joke or two.

"I'm living proof that a C student can become the greatest deciderer in the world".

Once upon a time...

A long time ago these old guys thought it was a good idea to give people rights and freedoms. I fixeded that problem gud.

Well Jeb, let's see you git yourself elected prez after that heh heh! I'm dad's favorite.

"It was a dark and stormy night..."

"On each page, colors have been suggested, but be creative! You don't have to stay within the lines if you don't want to!"

I'm King of the World!

"I still wonder what that red button does..."

Opening sentence notwithstanding, I heard that the Dust Jacket comes with a warning sticker:

This is a Disneyland original Little Long-Playing Record, and I am your story reader. I am now going to begin to read the story of My Pet Goat. You can read along with me in your book. You will know it's time to turn the page when Tinker Bell rings her little bells like this! Let's begin now.

'It was 1972, while in service to this great nation of ours, that I first considered the possibility of reaching for the office of the Presidency. I was engaged in a recon mission in the backwoods of Alabama, and got lost. (The dude said the kegger was two klicks left of the old Smythe plantation- asshole was probably high). Wandering around the swampy, snake infested woods I began to panic, and in my despair I swore that I would give anything for just a drink, preferably Jack Daniels, with maybe little line of the white stuff to keep me sharp. Suddenly, the forest opened up, and I found myself standing at a crossroad. There in the center was Daddy's bud, Dick, holding a shotgun in one hand and some sort of document in the other.......

Well, I guess y'all know the rest.'

It was the call I dreaded making, the one where I conceded to Gore. We called it the setup. I wasn't sure I could keep a straight face.

"During I Arrived as President"

(George, you may be a lame duck, but boy you still gots the touch! - about 1:15 in)

VGM!

See George run. Run George, run!

When future historians look back down the anals, I believe, in my heart, they will find I have achieved more accomplisheds than I have not. For instance, Abraham Lincoln, in whose bedroom I have stood, freed the blacks from slavery. That's pretty historical, but get this, I made one president! The misunderestimations of me have not taken into account all the things that will happen just because I was the deciderer in chief. It's not just the things you do, but the things that get done because you did, and you can quote me on that. Let me tell you, being the president in history will be a lot easier than being the president in person, and it's something I'm forward-looking to it.

"It's not just the things you do, but the things that get done because you did." - GW Bush

VGn2M!:snap:

Thanks for the $50, sucker.

Karl will take it from here...

I ever tell ya'll about the triple I hit?