Shït My Dad Says
 

This is, hands down, the funniest Twitter feed I've read*.
Unfortunately, because there's a "naughty" word in the URL, you're going to have to tweak it manually. Copy this:
http://twitter.com/shïtmydadsays
and change the "ï" to an "i".





*never mind that it's the only I read, it's still funny dammit!

Here are a few of my faves:

"Nobody is that important. They eat, shït, and screw, just like you. Maybe not shït like you, you got those stomach problems."

"I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or fück it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that."

"Does anyone your age know how to comb their fücking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fücking."

"You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shït comes out of it."

"I think the baby shït....Well, I'm smelling shït right now, so if it ain't the baby, one of you has a big fücking problem."

"Happy birthday, I didn't get you a present...Oh, mom got you one? Well, that's from me then too, unless it's shïtty."

"Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal."

"It's just a fücking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"

"The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shïts in something, you own it. Remember that."

Justin, you worthless piece of sh!t.


Awesome.

"Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it."

Im lovin this guy

and my current fave, just for LoT

"You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon."

Now I know it's fake. Nobody says they cooked too much bacon.

It's definitely my favorite Twitter feed. :)

WTG Justin!

I see, so it'll turn out that "Justin" is the guy playing the character in the TV show and this has all just been a viral marketing campaign to garner interest in the show.

God, I can be cynical sometimes...

Oh man. I feel so used now...