Laughphorisms
 

Wow, I wrote these somewhere around 1999. This is the first time I've seen them in at least 6 or7 years. They are still funny to me. The 7th one is my favorite I think.

•People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Unless it's fiberglass. Then they're probably OK.
•People in glass houses shouldn't change clothes. (Courtesy my roomate)
•The pot calling the kettle black isn't as ironic to me as it should be because I've never owned a black kettle.
•A penny saved is one more damn coin to put in my wallet and weigh down my pocket.
•If at first you don't succeed, give up because you're probably too incompetent.
•A stitch in time is a woman's job.
•Do unto others until you get caught.
•Love thy neighbor as you love thyself. Unless you have low self-esteem, then you should treat them a little better than that.
•Well begun is half done and a good excuse to take an early break.
•What's good for the goose is a little plum sauce and stuffing on the side.
•Life is like a box of chocolates. Everyone is afraid to go near the nutty ones and the weird, unidentifiable ones so they end up getting rotten and gooey and are thown in the trash.
•There are only three sure things in life: death, taxes, and flatulence.
•Cheaters who get caught never prosper.
•It doesn't matter if you win or loose, unless money's at stake.

The current one I've been thinking about is from Ricky Gervais, it is a thought I'd had but he said it more succinctly:

The moral of The Boy Who Cried Wolf is not "don't tell lies" but rather "don't tell the same lie twice."