Tales of Extravagent Summers
 

I was chatting with Boss Radio this evening and he reminded me of the one summer in which we managed to be thrown out of Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm, and Magic Mountain.

Looking back the 20 years, it still seems quite and accomplishment despite it's anti-social nature. Perhaps it seems even more accomplished especially since it's unlikely to be repeated now.

So I wonder what kind of records of infamy some of you might hold, or better still, tales of misspent summers of debauchery. I invite you to shake off your guilt and shame and take pride in your indulgences sharing them here.

It was the summer of 78, or 79.

I have vivid memories of Euro laughing maniacally as he put his wild mathematical theory to the test on the Antique Auto Race at Knott's Berry Farm. He found the nexus point of the pythagorean right angle divided by pi, jumped the track and drove cross country, leaving a path of destruction all the way to finish line, where he ground his poor little antique racer to a halt against a cement wall in a shower of sparks. It was a moment of pure glory, like Chariots of Fire. People screamed, gasped and applauded.

It was during the rush of park employees who nabbed him first, then me and finally the rest of our sad little group, I realized that he was indeed quite mad. We were photographed, put on a delinquent watch list, ejected from the park, and told not to return until we were 18. And it wasn't even lunchtime yet.

I, on the other hand, was banned from all water rides at Disneyland for getting out of my boat on IASW. They were running every other boat that day, so I thought I could jump out, play it cool, and and jump into an empty boat. I was nabbed by a boat containing a humorless pair of CMs who took me down one of those side channels that seem to lead nowhere, and then out the back. Oh, it was a quiet trip. They let me stay because I was with a girl who promised to make sure that I behaved, but they told me in very stern language that I was no longer welcome on any water-based ride.

I immediately went on Pirates. And it was BETTER because I wasn't supposed to.

A mere 30 days before the park's 25th anniversary, Euro and I were placed under park arrest and taken to Mickey Jail for a wardrobe infraction and insubordinate behavior.
I'll let him tell that one.

We were also removed from Disneyland for throwing a hat up to a friend (Chris Morse) who was riding the Peoplemover, because he ran out on the track to retrieve it. That got a response that would rival a bomb threat at a major airport. They had us in seconds. SECONDS.

We jumped on the merry-go-round while it was moving and got booted from Magic Mountain after a day of merry mayhem that included trying to sink a boat on the log ride, and an accidental blow to the head to an unfortunate employee who was standing too close to our tram car in the tunnel that led to the long lost Magic Pagoda.

Having exhausted our immediate options, we widened our net to include Sea World, but, sadly, summer ended before we could do anything stupid involving Shamu, the Sparkletts Water Fantasy and a bucket of dead fish.

Happily, we learned the error of our ways, and are now well-behaved, and welcome guests at theme parks everywhere.

Not many stories up my repertoire, I must admit, but I do have one tale that involves the weirdest request I've ever heard a CM ask, to this very day.

It was a dark and stormy night sunny day at DCA when I decided to bring my full-size Kermit the Frog puppet into MuppetVision 3D (back before the Disney-Henson merger.) The CM in front of the marquee got a kick out of it when I showed her how real he looked to the actual puppet and did my best Kermit voice, which probably needed a little work.

Sitting in the holding queue, I got this grand idea to have Kermit pop up from behind one of those side crates. I wedged myself next to one of the left crates so as to appear sitting down yet also fully obscure Kermit from plain sight. Was sooooo much fun, the kids LOVED it!

After about two show loads, I got adventurous and made Kermit talk to some of the guests. At first, I'd make Kermit do his infamous laugh, but then I started having him ask what this one kid's name was, if she was having a good day, etc.

The holding queue emptied for the next show, and it was me sitting there all alone with Kermit, waiting for a fourth load of guests. Suddenly, the crimson walls opened up from a far corner, revealing a previously hidden door, and out stepped a man and a woman in business suits. Oh crap.

Considering I was scared ****less at that moment, I barely remember the dialogue I had with one of them, save for him asking me very politely for my name. The one line I do remember cracks me up every time I recollect it:

"Sir, we'd like to ask you to please refrain from puppeteering on the premises or else you will be escorted from the park."

Yes, stupid in hindsight and I should have known better, especially when you think from their POV that I could have been some weird perv. However, I'd never have such a weird and wacky tale to tell.

Oh, and my Kermit doll? He resides at my mom's house in New Orleans to avoid any temptation of trying my luck again.

The summer I was 15 I went to church camp. All of us good little wholeseome souls -- then I spotted the one tall, skinny, long-haired guy with the AC/DC t-shirt. I made it my mission for the week to land my first boyfriend. No one was more suprised than me that my plan actually worked. Every choreographed hair toss and eyelash flutter, every witty bon mot, they all landed with unerring aim. Including the time by Thursday of that week where we were all hanging out on the big cargo net and I "got upset" about some fabricated something or other and dramatically exited toward my cabin to see if he would follow to check up on me. Which of course he did. Because even then I always got my man. The last night we both snuck out of our cabins and spent the whole night making out in the girls shower house.

(It wasn't summer, but I picked up boyfriend number two at a church youth conference.)

I honed these talents over the suceeding years until my major triumph the summer I was 24, when I picked up a biker in a bar. I am living proof that it ain't what you got, y'all, it's how you use it.

Not specifically me involved, sort of, just my group, but man this had bad odds of turning out ok.

It was the day before my wedding (the rehersal was the previous day) and we took some of the "out of towners" attending the wedding to Disneyland. There were 23 of us I believe. 6 of them were kids ages, 10 yrs, 6 yrs, 4 yrs, 3yrs, 2yrs, and 2 months old.

Beautiful July day...not too hot....everyone got along.....no kids lost.....you get the idea.

In the evening everyone wanted to go see Fantasmic, and me and my soon to be DH wanted to have a little time alone, so our group split up. We figured we'd go ride the Matterhorn and then watch the fireworks. We would all meet up in front of the castle afterwards.

Our BIG group of people had a double stroller with a 2 month in it, who was sleeping, at this point. Amazing they found a space to view the show, but they did. My Mom and stepfather and a few others in our group hung back at the ropes with the stroller, others in the group moved forward to get closer. So off we went. The rest of the story, is as it was told to us, by Disneyland security who came and got us at the Matterhorn exit and escorted us backstage and later confirmed by family and friends who were there.

As the show was about to start a group of 6 Asian men infiltrated our splinter group and picked up (not rolling) the stroller and tried to move it away...well there was a sleeping baby in it. My Mom went to get the baby's mother, she was further up in the crowd and my stepfather tried to stop them and they got mad. They didn't appear to speak English. So my stepfather tried to motion to the baby inside but the stroller got picked up again,, now by 2 of the guys, to move it. So my stepfather started to yell at the men. One of them took their camera and set off his flash in my stepfather's face and really pissed him off. My stepfather decked the guy, did I mention he has a bad temper? The guy punched him back and in stepped Disneyland security and hauled them all off backstage.

The man who previously didn't speak English, suddenly spoke clear English to security and wanted assault charges pressed against my stepfather, who was now bleeding above his left eye. My stepfather wanted the charges brought up on this guy. My mother was about to have a nervous breakdown...there was a wedding the next day!. She had told securtiy where to find us, because they were going to call the Anaheim PD to sort this all out and have them all removed from the park. This is why we were greeted by several security officers. So we would not get left in the park alone not knowing what had happened.

Well before the police arrived the other guy went ballistic on the security officers and in the end, he got arrested. My stepfather was calmed down by my mother and did not file any charges and we were released back into the park by the Main St. station just in time to enjoy some candy and ice cream and go home for the night.

There was a wedding without incident the next day and in all my pictures, you can see the cut above my stepfather's left eye.

My three friends and I went to SFMM a few times using the "Twicket" system. Abusing is more like it, as you weren't supposed to use Twickets on Twickets.

One day we walked past an archway we'd never noticed before. There was no chain, nor gate. As we sauntered in we crossed paths with a security guard who was leaving the area, and he didn't give us a second glance.

Inside we found a huge picnic area, large grassy lawn, shady overhangs, lots of bushes and trees, you name it. Obviously, a place where they had corporate events and such. And it was all ours.

We played hide-and-seek there for a while, until security showed up. They accused us of jumping the fence and then hiding from security. Apparently it was hard for them to believe that a bunch of teenagers would spend a day at SFMM playing hide-and-seek, and weren't on drugs or drunk. They wanted to see our passes, which we showed, and as it was obvious we were just stupid kids (I think the fact that we were white probably helped), they let us back into the park, adding a chain to the entrance to the picnic area.

That same year we got season passes and went all the damn time. Once we jumped out of the rafts on Yosemite Sam falls and were greeted by security on the bottom. (BTW, it was fun, but boy did it hurt when we hit the rubber stops on the bottom!) They asked all kinds of questions. We claimed we fell out of the rafts....yes, all of us, individually. No sir, we aren't drunk or on drugs. They took all kinds of odd information about us, including our heights and shoe sizes. :confused: A friend of mine nearly got in an argument with them about how tall he was.

Another time we jumped in the bushes near Colossus to get a picture taken. We stuck our heads through and a friend was about to take a shot. Security ran up yelling "Out of the bushes, out of the bushes!" Again, we were accused of doing drugs in the bushes. Took us forever to talk our way out of that one. All we did was stand in the fvcking bushes and stick our heads out. Did it look like we were doing anything other than that??

So yeah, most of my "extravagant" stories simply have to do with misunderstandings. But we did our share in being annoying.

One time we got the paper moose antlers from the Mooseburger Lodge and wore them the rest of the day, yelling "Moose!" randomly. Then while in line for Colossus for ages, we sang popular songs, inserting "moose" into the lyrics. I'm sure everyone in line was amused. ;)

Another time we were waiting for the hypnotist show at the Golden Bear Theater, sitting outside in line, and we sang repetitive camp songs at the top of our lungs until people started literally throwing things at us. GD was there, and he was unhappy with the arrangement. :p

We made friends with an employee at the photo booth (Amy? I think so) and she sold us those keychain picture viewers for a buck a piece. They were something like six dollars at that time. She put one of our pictures in the display case as an example - it was an 8x10. Before our years at SFMM ended, they remodeled the booth, upgraded to digital pics (no more slide keychains) and Amy was transferred to Universal Studios' photo dept.

There are probably more...ah, what glorious "summer" antics.

Wow, I sound so pathetic by comparison, but a friend and I got kicked out of Burger King by the mentally disabled busboy for laughing too loud.

We were nearly kicked out of Sizzler for having an ice-cream fight. It didn't go too far though, just some ice-cream to the face. :D

We WERE kicked out of Chucky Cheese for having a food fight, however.