Moral Question (yep, another one)
 

Ok Girls, If your hubby/s.o's best friend shows up at your door, and it is obvious he has been fighting with his wife (which they do ALOT) and you know that he has come to your house to get away from her and to stay out of trouble... Right after the doorbell rings and your hubby/s.o goes outside with his friend and your phone rings-suprise suprise, it's his wife do you:

a) say he hasn't shown up

b) tell her he is there

c) pretend you didn't hear the question

d) don't answer the phone


I went with A. I have been drug into their battles far too often over the years. I know the games she plays. She will push his buttons until he snaps. He has grown up enough to know what she is up to and will leave before things get out of hand.

I guess she didn't believe me. 10 minutes later the phone rings again and it is her, "Could you please have him go outside."

They are know arguing it out in front of our house. That isn't a biggy, but what is is that 2 of their kids (ages 7 and 4) are with her.

I know I should have said yes, he just showed up, but I didn't because I knew she would be driving over here and I didn't want to deal with her drama.

Oh, and on a side note, we are Boyless tonight. We went to a friends 50th b-day party, then out to dinner and were home enjoying a movie when he showed up. *sigh* so much for our romantic evening.

Did you have caller ID that let you know she was calling beforehand? If that was the case, I wouldn't have answered.

If the whole arguing outside your home scenario has happened before, I would probably have said he was there, and that you didn't want any trouble at your house. She seems to have a consistent MO here, and while they can do whatever they want to do, they need to be not be doing it at your home. I think it sucks that she's doing it in front of her kids, but sh!t happens. I come from that kind of home.

I guess in the end, that kind of crap doesn't belong in front of your house. It's rude, not only to you, but to your neighbors. She needs help.

So, I guess in the end, I'd go with D first, and then B second, adding that she needs to take her crap elsewhere, let things cool off, etc etc etc. There were hundreds of times I saw what happened at your house, and while I've been lucky enough not to be put into that sort of situation, I hope that I'd do what I just said I would.



Edited to add: I didn't see what happened at your house at your house... I mean, in my own situation, I've seen it happen in front of my parents' house when I was a kid. Or something to that effect. I'm not a stalker, I swear!

If I had answered the phone, I would have told here that, sorry, but you're not getting involved this time and she'll just have to wait until her husband shows up at home to continue the argument. It is not welcome in your house.

After that, don't answer the phone.

They talked for over 30 mins before she left. I went inside to let the guys talk. She must have called me as soon as she got home. She wanted me to hear her side. She kept trying to get me to agree with her. I finally told her I couldn't agree with her and could not put myself in her position because I would never be in her position. I was also able to tell her my thoughts on her following him over here.

David came in while I was on the phone, Jimmy had left for his parents (he has his motorhome over there so he could spend the night). The whole thing put an end to our evening, but we will have other evenings.

Gotta love David though, he kept trying to be obnoxious and start an argument. He walked to bed grumbling "argue argue argue" over and over. When I told him to knock it off he replied, "What, don't you like my arguing?" We just had our 11th anniversary last weekend, with his sense of humor I may be stuck with him forever. :blush: :eek: :)

When you see couples like that, it makes you very grateful for your own relationship, doesn't it? I think you handled it the best you could, although I agree with Erica should this (and it surely will) happen again.

I'm sorry your night together was ruined, but in a way it was a good reminder of just what you two have. David sounds like a keeper.:)

Awww, Mousey!!

I doubt she's gotten "it" as most people in this kind of dysfunctional situation never do get "it." But hopefully, should this happen in the near future, some of it might retain, and in any case, should this happen again, stay strong, become a broken record with it. Most importantly, this is not your problem. While you're giving the hubby's friend a place to hide out, your home need not be the scene of any crimes, KWIM? It's hard when people you're not even in a relationship with try to bring their dysfunction to your life; stand strong.

And yeah, David sounds like a keeper...

That's the kind of funny that makes me want to tackle tramspotter with kisses. ;)

If I were you I would have a convo with your husband/s.o. to tell him that his friend can't keep running to your house to escape his problems. It's not that you don't want to be supportive of the guy but he comes there and all his crap is now dumped on your door and you get caught in the middle. No one likes to be caught in the middle. You shouldn't have to deal with his wife or their drama.

Sorry you had a sucky night but those people shouldn't be ruining your life too!

Your part (the easy one because you have control over your actions):

Phone rings.
"I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable with being inolved in this issue."
Hang up.

Repeat as necessary.

The harder part is getting your husband to do his part.

Doorbell rings.
"I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable with being inolved in this issue."
Close door.

Repeat as necessary.

Good call Prudence!

Things have calmed down. Jimmy called yesterday to invite us to his folks for a BBQ, David told him "no thanks." The calls from his wife stopped at 10pm Saturday night.

On a side note, Nickolas had fun with his Grandma (aka Nanny). This is David's mom. This was only the 2nd time he has spent the night over there (he was 3 the first time), and only the 5th time she has watched him for us. Somehow they got started on the Star Wars trilogy (4-6) and watched all 3 movies. He had been wanting to do that since he saw Epi 3. So the night was not a total loss. Ever the Mommy, I am glad he had a good time. Since she watched him, maybe she will start to watch him more often and realize he isn't such a bad kid after all.