Honk If You F**king Love Boston
 

Our apartment in Boston is on a semi-busy street.
The street in front of our building goes from a two lane to a one lane because of the heavy parking situation.
My home office (where my computer is) has a window that faces out to the street.
What is interesting is that every now and then I can hear Bostonians expressing their love for each other as they pass by. Keep in mind, one driver must pull in front of a driveway to let the other driver pass. Sometimes this act is done out of foresight, sometimes out of kindness, sometimes out of desperation and sometimes it's done at all and someone needs to back up into the driveway.
There's a big bush in front of my window, so I can't actually see the cars nor the drivers. But what I can hear is tremendously funny. Here's what I can hear from my desk on a regular basis:
(If you use a Boston accent with the following, it's hysterical.)

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[Honk! Honk!]
Car #1 - Man's Voice: What the f*ck? Are you f*cking blind, you stink sh!thead?
Car #2 - Man Voice #2: Eat me!

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[Long hooooooonk!]
Car #1 - Man Voice: Where'd you learn how to drive? Retard school?
Car #2 - Woman Voice: Kiss my ass!

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[Screeching tires.]
Car #1 - Woman's Voice: Out of the f*cking way, asshole!
Car #2 - Man's Voice: Shove it, Bitch!
Passenger of Car #1 - Woman's voice: Just keep driving. Ignore him. You'll never see him again for the rest of your life.

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[Honk. Honk. Hoooooonk!]
Car #1 - Man's Voice: Niiiice driving!
Car #2 - Man's Voice: Ah, shaddap!

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:D I love this place!

What? You didn't hear that in Monterey?

Gotta love it.

I'm tempted to move this piece to Open Mic as "found poetry."

Glad you're having fun ;)

Sounds good to me. I can add to it from day to day.
I was thinking of posting it in Open Mic initially.
:D

Wow, they don't do that from cars in NYC!

I hear Boston's a bitch to drive in...

It's like a city-sized Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and Car Toon Spin combined. And then add competing tracks to the ride that intersect the track you are on.

And, oh yeah, every other driver is blindfolded.
:D

Hahah!

You hear correctly. I'll never put myself through it again if I can help it.

You think driving there is scary, try walking!

Something about that city just MAKES you a bad driver. I was asleep in the back seat, so I don't know exactly what happened, but my dad was driving a rental car and got himself in a situation where he had to throw it in reverse on the Mass Pike!

I know why people are bad drivers in Boston.
I know the secret.
I know.

There is no grid system here to the roads. California is a good example of places that have the roads built in a grid. When it's done that way, you know which was north and south are. Here, there is no way of knowing sometimes. Apparently, all the roads in the congested areas were once footpaths a long, long time ago. They kept those paths and enhanced them to accommodate vehicles.

Intersections many of the times are unmarked. There are no street signs to reassure you that you're still on the street you thought you were on. Sometimes streets change names but there are no signs to tell you that they changed. Lots of times a street will go from a two way street and then all of a sudden you hit a 'Do Not Enter' sign because the rest of the street is one-way...coming at you now one-way.

Lots of residents take the T (the subway). So that's how they get to everywhere. So when they jump into a car for a trek somewhere where the T doesn't go to, they're out of practice and the absent road signs don't help.

California (for the most part) is really good about painting lanes on their streets. Massachusetts is not. Sometimes there will be a road w/o lanes painted on them. This means that there are as many lanes as you want. Sometimes 2 lanes, sometimes 3 or even 4. It all depends on how many cars you can fit.

Boston also has a different idea about personal driving space. There isn't any. Someone will be on your ass always. And the horn is used always.

I get some slack because our truck still has California plates on it, people just think I'm not in the groove because I'm new.

Also another crazy thing is that if you're going to make a left at an intersection, without the aid of a left arrow, you go left immediately when the light turns green. Don't go after on a yellow (after all the cars go), because everyone will honk at you.