Hail Mary, Quite Contrary
 

My dad (deacon with the Catholic Church in HI) calls me from Nebraska this morning. He's a little miffed with me in that I forgot to tell him that Nebraska is cold this time of year. He's attending a yearly Catholic Church conference there for a nun, Sister Mary, who is ill.

I ask my dad how the conference is going. He says, "Great. (long pause) Brad, I think everyone here is gay."

I laugh.

He tells me that many of the sisters, brothers and fathers there are "family" (a term I use around him to mean "gay" and that he uses now, he doesn't quite get it that only family members use the term, but oh well). He is quite surprised that many of them are coupled, too.

I laugh again.

The people at the conference were quite surprised to see him there. They were expecting Sister Mary. Since there is no Sister Mary, he tells me that now they actually have to have a formal, official meeting. If she had shown up, the event would have been a week long party. Not so now that the Deacon has shown up.

I laugh a third time.

He tells me that the speeches and presentations that were given were slapped together and unrehearsed and boring. I'm thinking it's because they weren't expecting to give them.

On top of that, when my dad got there, a "flaming" (his word) priest came up to him and asked him who he was and asked where Sister Mary was. My dad replied, "I'm Sister Mary."

The priest looked at him with a knowing glance and a grin and said, "Oh, I see."

Fourth laugh.

To cap it all off, my dad makes himself some tea from one of the breakfast carts in the conference room. He opens the tea bag and the whole room starts to smell like potpourri. "WTF?" My dad said to himself.

A priest came up to him and said, "Whoa. What's that smell?"

"My tea." My dad said and showed him the tea bag cover. It read "PASSION" (as in, infused with Passion Fruit or maybe it's a subtle wink to Mel Gibson's snuff film).

The priest looks at the tea bag cover and says, "Well, if you get out of control, I know how to handle it."

I laugh a fifth time.

The call from my dad came at 8am this morning. These early morning calls are usually reserved for emergencies from him. From his point of view, I guess it was.

:D

I had a shrink in NY who used to work as a counselor in a convent. He said you would not believe some of the confessions he has heard...

Suddenly, I feel better about Nebraska. :) Great story!

Okay, you've got to be making that part up. I mean...really? Really?

OMG, what a great story! :D

I only wish we could have heard it! I'll bet the inflection in his voice was more funny than the story he was telling!

No, no. It's totally true. I asked the same thing of him. I said, "You didn't say that, did you?" He said yes. ***

He's all official, you know? Like a cop is. He said, "I'm Sister Mary." Like a cop would say, "I am the law."

I told him that he shouldn't say that again. It may be giving the sistas who are priests mixed messages.
:D


For the record, I laughed all the way from my house to the T and to work this morning. That's about 20 minutes of laughing...
:D



***Edit to add:
Also, you have to remember that he just met everyone when he introduced himself as Sister Mary's replacement. So he didn't know everyone was family until a little later...

That's a beautiful story.

I think I want to be a police nun this Halloween.

Oh my gosh, I almost fell off my chair. Too funny.

What will happen to Sister Mary when your dad gets home?

Reminds me of when my mother in law went to Glamour Shots and made her reservation for 'Jo'. The person wrote it
down 'Joe'. When she showed up she wondered why the girl kept looking at her funny. They never asked her and finally
she saw 'Joe' and told them it was 'Jo'. I guess they thought...well, you can figure it out.

GC, what a lovely story to start the day.