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Kevy Baby 05-13-2007 10:21 AM
Bad Erotica (NSFW)
 
Someone forwarded this to me and it amused me greatly

Nerve.com's Bad Erotica Contest

The opening two paragraphs of the grand prize winner (hidden just in case someone missed the "Not Safe For Work" in the title - yeah, I know it doesn't make much difference Alex, but I did it anyways):

Spoiler:
She woke with the taste of his turgid penis on her lips. Even though he was gone, his juices and manhood lingered in her mind and on her cloying lips like Vaseline. The events of the previous night came racing back to her, clogging her mind with visions of ecstasy.
She had never known a man like Julio before. When he came and boldly sat next to her, the musky scent of his manliness turned her from tigress to gentle kitten. She belonged to him before his supple buttocks pressed aggressively against the tattered faux-leather covering of the barstool.

Motorboat Cruiser 05-13-2007 11:00 AM
Wow, that was amazingly bad. :D

CoasterMatt 05-13-2007 11:36 AM
hahahaha! :D

Capt Jack 05-13-2007 01:19 PM
ew

Betty 05-13-2007 03:18 PM
Quote:
as his toothless mouth gummed her
Ew is an understatment!

( you simply must read it - majestic 7 fingers? lol... I don't want to spoil all the fun for you)

JWBear 05-13-2007 05:54 PM
If weren't already gay, those stories would turn me!

Alex 05-13-2007 07:46 PM
I think a completely necessary element of bad erotica (or any kind of writing) is that the author intend that it be good.

Not Afraid 05-13-2007 08:20 PM
Is the word "lascivious" used often? That was a VERY popular word in "The Violated Model". (This gem was found by Chris on a tennis court in 1978.)

thecorndogwalker 05-15-2007 05:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevy Baby (Post 135987)
She belonged to him before his supple buttocks pressed aggressively against the tattered faux-leather covering of the barstool.[/spoiler]

Never press aggressively against tattered faux-leather furniture....

innerSpaceman 05-15-2007 08:14 AM
And, completely negating the faux-safety effect of Kevy's spoiler tag, I cannot overestimate the hilarity effect of reading the first tagged line while looking at Kevy's current avatar:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bad Erotica
She woke with the taste of his turgid penis on her lips. Even though he was gone, his juices and manhood lingered in her mind and on her cloying lips like Vaseline.


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