Hello, You've Got Rapture
 

You've Been Left Behind

This is a service where, under the assumption that you've been a good little Christian, you can compose emails to be sent to any friends and family that get left behind after the Rapture. It's set up such that the administrators (presumably they are all guaranteed to NOT be left behind) have to log in every day to reset a timer. If 3 of the 5 fail to log in for 3 days, must have been rapture and, after another 3-day waiting period, the emails are fired off.

Part of me really hopes they are waiting for some set number of registrations and then they just send out the emails.

What if the rapture happens and god only takes 1 million people. How obvious would it be to those left behind?

If you're a Jehovah's Witness, it's 144,000 people.

They used to promise that the first person in each family would go, when the world ended in 1915.

Shortly after a very uncomfortable and embarrassing New Year's day, 1916, they said that there was a big war in heaven then, and the end of the OLD world happened. We just didn't notice it here.

Then, after someone noted (sometime in the 70s) that there were more than 144K new families, the rule changed to say that yes, 144 thousand would go to heaven, but it was people who just *knew* that they were the ones. Yes, yes, that's what we meant all along.

Sorry if I sound a little bitter, but I'm cleaning out old JW books from every closet of my dead Grandmother's home. When her money ran out, her "friends" disappeared and she pretty much died alone.

I wouldn't want to be the guy that forgets to log in. "Sorry guys, I went on vacation, totally forgot."

If getting raptured is so important, shouldn't we notice if we aren't raptured? I thought it involved the earth going into some sort of hellish state. If not, then why should I care? I still get to do all the awesome stuff here on earth.

It must be their way of saying 'neener, neener' from Heaven. Can gloaters get into Heaven? I wouldn't want to spend eternity with such assholes anyway.

There's a fantastic morality play ending here.

QAssholes: We're going to Heaven. We're going to Heaven.

(arrive at the pearly gates)

St Peter: So, I see your very last act on Earth was to gloat over the misfortunes of others. That's not very loving of you. I'm sorry, but I don't think you deserve to be in Heaven. DENIED!!!!

Yes, but you won't need notice of the rapture for them, the sudden reincarnation on earth of everyone not among the 144,000 would be a big sign. Plus, most of the 144,000 are already dead and transported immediately to heaven instead of waiting in death for reincarnation so your friends really aren't likely to need the service.

Now, this is how I think.

My son, my own little curmudgeon {every family has to have one, right Alex?} he will tell anyone who cares to listen, that it is all a myth.

I so wanted to get him into the local Catholic school because I thought it would be a really good move academically...uh, even I can't sugar coat his attitude.

I read that a lot of companies involved with sending spam are hooked up for the same thing. If there ever is a rapture, we're going to get stuff like, "The Rapture is Here! And would you not like a stronger errection?"

Ah-Ha! So that's what the Swan Station was for!