I was the best of times, it was, uh, um, we don't get fooled again!
 

Stolen from NPR's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me:

What will the first sentence of Bush's memoir be?

"oops"

"My life began with what proved to be a repeating theme in my life: me causing pain and suffering and not caring much; sorry mom."

"I wrote me a book, you misunderestimating fvcks."

"I owe it all to the beer and cocaine."

How do you turn this danged thing on... Oh.

"One day my daddy told me, 'Damnit Jr., when YOU'RE President you can play frisbee golf in the oval office, until then, get the hell out!' That's the day I decided I'd do this here President thing."

"Hey, you there - get ready to read the most important buncha words that was ever put together about the most important guy of his generational time."

"I knew my legacy was cemented in history on that proud day in 2003, on the USS Lincoln, when I was able to claim our victory in Iraq and, perhaps more importantly, the liberation of the Iraqi people."

If I Did It.