Wedding planning, and other stuff I don't know Thing 1 about...
 

Okay, as I'm starting to put together thoughts on my wedding, I've come to realize that I need help. Lots of it. I've never thought about this stuff, and I've never really considered certain aspects. However, I realize that I have a lovely group of people that seem to know what to do about all sorts of things.

So yeah, I'm begging for help.

Question 1:

I have a family member, through marriage, who is a professional photographer. Do I ask him to be my photographer, or do I wait for him to offer? I was thinking "okay, we could pay for his travel and stay" but then I thought, is that the right thing to even do? As far as I know, I don't recall him doing wedding photography, though I know he's done wonderful portraits. I would love nothing more than to have his wonderful eye behind the camera that takes our pictures.

What say the LoT?

It depends. I know I've been asked to take pictures or videotape my friends' weddings and it wasn't much fun because I wanted to enjoy the wedding like everyone else. What I would do, since he is family, I would ask him to take the portrait pictures of the bride, groom, bride's maids etc early on and that's it. The get someone else to shoot the rest of the pics. Then again, some people like going to weddings when they have something to do.

I'd go ahead and ask, but be clear that it's only if he feels comfortable. Stress that if he'd rather just enjoy your wedding or if he just doesn't have the experience doing that kind of photography that you're happy to explore other options, no requirement on his part.

Sure, ask her but I think the offer of travel expenses and the stay is a great idea. I have a friend who is a wedding photographer and every family member just assumes she'll take their pictures for nothing (not at all saying that's what you're doing). Some offer 1/2 her expenses and her hotel stay the night of the wedding, some offer nothing, some offer to pay her way...she always appreciates the ones who understand that doing the photos for free is the same as asking someone who owns a restaurant to do the catering for free or the like.

"We really love your portraits, and we were wondering if you did weddings and, if so, how much you'd charge to do ours."

Agreed re: travel expenses and such. We had a friend do the flowers at our wedding. We paid for the materials and her hotel expenses and it worked out great.

Exactly what SL said:
By the way, be prepared for the Crazy Train to roll through now and then. Everybody and their dogs will want a say in your wedding. The biggest piece of advice I ever give at the start of wedding planning is to always remember that it's YOUR day. Some people will get upset, but that's not your concern. (If you ever need to get rid of someone whining on the phone, blame the cat or some other "sudden" thing that you "must take care of immediately". ;) ) Make sure to take care of what you and J want, and it will all be perfect. :)

The other piece of advice is that realistically you only get two of the three options: cheap, quick, high-quality. Don't expect to get all three - you'll go nuts very quickly. ;)

So, anyway, have fun during one of the most amazing times in your life! The only thing that tops engagement is being married to your true love. Enjoy your reign of bridedom. :D

Yes, feel free to ask but if photography is the person's job then treat is as a professional gig with the expectation that you'll pay for it just like they'd charge anybody else. If he offers less then great, but it is rude (in my opinion of course) to assume a family discount.

And that would include no only paying for his travel but normal fees for the photography. He won't be there having fun and celebrating your moment, he'll be there working.

I love with SL said.

Regarding photos:
You know I'm a great-aunt peering over the top of her spectacles. My gloved hands fold over the top of my cane. I say the bride and groom act as the hosts. Put guests first and foremost! No long period for photos between the end of the wedding and the beginning of the reception! If you want lots of photos, tell the photographer to do candids!

When do we talk about the clothes?

Hehehe, I'm gettin' there... I'm gettin' there! (I have been secretly starting to think about what to wear...)

Thank you everyone for the advice. I've been asked to "work" weddings, and never really considered what really is the best way to ask these sorts of things.

After thinking it out (and since the plan is to do the ceremony in Vegas), most of the packages come with a photographer, so I won't have him "work" during the wedding. However, I may ask if we could get some portraits, perhaps engagement photos, done separately - assuming the costs, of course.