Dear Mr. Bopper:

We understand that due to unfortunate circumstances you were denied entry into the "Bitter East Coast" club. That was really too bad.

However we think there might be room for you in another organization:

The Flaming Heterosexuals. We got it, we flaunt it. We have many great events! You can join us for Straight Day at Disneyland, we have 364 of them each year (365 on leap years). We'll save you a chair and a Playboy at our next meeting.