Closure would be good. Truth would be better.  

  All I remember is baby Jesus flying across the sky.  

  Lecherous men with dessert porn.  

  She was impressed that people from opposite sides of the world can become friends through the internet. We encouraged her to buy a computer.  

  Bite me, fan boy.  

  They tell me I had a good time, I think.  

  I love Dave Matthews, chewy brownies, Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 and Judi Dench.

And penis. Gargantuan American penis.  

  I want to straddle it. NOW.  

  The extreme right wing's attacks on the patriotism of other Americans is beyond tiresome, beyond boring, and right into past-date garbage.  

  Dude, your request for details is really harshing my mellow.  

  If I met Spielberg, I'd hug him then push a knife through his left testicle.  

  I made really loud squeeeeeely noises then Thurston woke up and did massive head tilting. It was a great evening.  

  lol duh...lol  

  Listen, sister. Get your notepad, see? No onion tears, got that? It'll only make you cheese curdle.  

  They're Australian, not crazy.  

  Haha, Fred Savage got Alex laid. Awesome.  

  [Lucy Van Pelt] THAT'S IT!!!! [/Lucy Van Pelt]  

  I'm so gay that if I was yogurt I'd have fruit at the bottom.  

  You're not very good at Q&A, perhaps The Learning Annex offers a class.  

  Shampoo, rinse, shampoo, rinse, separate lather from soap, rub on body, rinse, remove clothes, shampoo hat, rinse.  

  The infant philosopher observes his reflected visage and asks of himself, "Goo?  

  Douché!  

  Perhaps buying stock in Jamison's is the way to go.  

  That's funny! I immediately thought of "Strawuberry chips..." too.  

  And as Walt someone said, Just remember, it all started with a pancake... hang on, that's not right.