When I'm buying cleaner for my cooch, the first thing I look for is the words "non-caustic".  

  You're aren't losing hair - you're just getting more head.  

  We REALLY need to find GC a boyfriend. He is now getting aroused by emoticons.  

  The Lord God Father Almighty was reportedly "miffed"...  

  Capt Jack for president. (if that dont scare ya, nothin will)  

  I personally hope for a society where everyone is chipped, the government sees everything, and artificial intelligence threatens our species. Then maybe we'll get some new plots for sci-fi movies.  

  I realized that I should be more dog-like in my nature. Just be. Stop all this silly worrying and just be glad that it's a sunny day.  

  I have always been the very model of grace and decorum.  

  CP: You are a poet, but in a good way.  

  I will keep my vocabulary to myself and let the illiterate poor starve  

  I'm in this for the bacon, totally.  

  But I do hate everything. Even the things I like.  

  Doesn't matter, it's been on boingboing. It is the truth now. I expect it will be a humorous question on this weekend's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.  

  Be careful.

You don't want to anger the gods with all this celebrating.  

  No one is exempt from the call to find common ground.  

  Don't come too close - I might smell faintly of pee.  

  Here's the deal:
The people that are pro-legalized marijuana are too stoned to organize themselves. The people that are anti-legalized marijuana probably should smoke lots of it and chill out.
 

  I like wenches in corsets.

Corsets good.  

  lol duh...lol  

  Listen, sister. Get your notepad, see? No onion tears, got that? It'll only make you cheese curdle.  

  They're Australian, not crazy.  

  [Lucy Van Pelt] THAT'S IT!!!! [/Lucy Van Pelt]  

  Douché!  

  That's funny! I immediately thought of "Strawuberry chips..." too.  

  And as Walt someone said, Just remember, it all started with a pancake... hang on, that's not right.