Mom, that lady's a swinger!!  

  Mommy, I really want to see her naked.  

  He's goona get a birdie!

I never get a birdie.  

  Actually doing anything to ameliorate discomfort would be very unme.  

  But I do hate everything. Even the things I like.  

  So there!  

  This song makes me want to bend girls over and smack them on their asses, in an ironic, modern man sort of way of course.  

  If god wanted you to eat warm, fresh baked cookies while camping at Sheep Creek he wouldn't have put so many tall trees there. Obviously, he wants you to eat warm, fresh baked cookies while camping at Death Valley.  

  It is a sin to violate gods will. It is obvious that the Camp Chef Portable Oven from REI is an abomination in g-d's eyes.  

  Surely you can still get there by way of Canada and North Dakota! Show some determination in getting your TJs!  

  Mmmmm, that must produce some oozy cubes.  

  Mmmmm, that must produce some oozy cubes.  

  I've never had a doctor see me naked either, just exposed wobbly bits at any given time but never completely naked.  

  If you are only good because of religion that I suggest you aren't really a good person, just a scared one.  

  [quote=Disneyphile;284672]Well, I know that MY queefs can bring people to tears.[/quote]

This is a rather startling public admission as to the hygienic integrity of your hoohaw. You might want to see a doctor as Wikipedia (font of all knowledge medical) tells me that a malodorous queef could be a sign of an undesirable connection between your vajayjay and your colon. In other words, there might be some buried toxic waste in your personal Love Canal, so to speak.

NOTE: Note, this post exists primarily to see if I can creep myself out.  

  Lotteries, however, are slightly less exciting than Keno. Which is slightly less exciting than C-SPAN 3's rebroadcast of the 1984 Telecom Regulatory Commission's sub-committee hearing on whether to reserve channels 13-21 for local community access.  

  Keep your butter cold!  

  Like I said, obviously you disagree and we can never know who's right. Though I am.  

  Back in my day we went down to Farmer Rasmusson's sharecropping plot and bought a ha'peck of roasted peanuts for a penny. Then we ate them, molded the inevitable result into bar form and sold it for two pennies to the younger children in the neighborhood as a "Snickers Bar" because that's what we were doing while watching them eat it.

And that's how an American Institution got its start.  

  [s]top halfway through the governor's name and add a potato.  

  I'm sorry, I'd join you in my boycott but I already have an essentially infinite number of them going and just don't have time for one more.  

  Wait...I think we've got the dots connected.

Looking at naked boobies is socialism!

Pornography makes you want to masturbate. Masturbation is a form of homosexuality. Engaging in a form of homosexuality makes you gay. Being gay will make you want to get gay married. Being allowed to get gay married will mean that all marriage combinations between consenting adults should be allowed (first step I agree with). Allowing all marriage combinations means you'll have large group marriages organized for reasons of profit. Eventually all the group marriages will merge into one large societal marriage everyone is a part of. Socialism! (or democratic republicanism! or constitutional parliamentary monarchy! I must admit they lose me a bit on the last step and how it is different from "government!").

So remember kids, Jenna Jameson is Stalin.  

  When you say nice things about Crocs you encourage people to wear them. This is a war crime and a violation of many human rights treaties.  

  Getting over this impulse is the next vital step in your question to flawlessly Alex someone.  

  The thing about quotes on the internet is that you cannot verify their validity.