From one (mildly upset) guest to another at Universal Studios - "Look, you drove all the way up here from your hotel in Anaheim and NOW you bitch about the prices? Cuz Disneyland is so f**kin' cheap, right?  

  I did get knocked semi-conscious today by a windblown umbrella  

  There's a marching band playing the Mexican Hat Dance just outside my door this morning  

  I likes me some fire and swing sets...  

  I've got an Alpenhorn in my pants, does that count?  

  I'd enjoy the red carpet proceedings much more with a paintball gun.  

  Jughead P. Jones IS THE DEVIL!!!  

  I also ate lunch with Groucho Marx and Beetlejuice, and half of Shrek.  

  Why couldn't Innoventions just implode?  

  It's like drinking redneck afterbirth.  

  This is the thread that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started posting it, not knowing what it was,
But now they'll keep on posting it forever just because-  

  Plot, Scheme, Toil, Smash, Repeat!  

  I am the Prince of Dorkness.  

  The psycho on the bus goes stab, stab, stab...  

  Proper punctuation and capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse..  

  Imagine that, a flaming comment from Kevy Baby  

  I look better naked.  

  but the IHOP employees get REALLY mad when you puke on their front window... or so I've heard  

  Aren't you supposed to seek immediate health care if you experience an election lasting 4 years?  

  I'll be there, but I'll leave the burning stuff at home.  

  I thought he was gonna give me a field sobriety test, simply for my pants.  

  There's never enough duct tape.  

  My pants are missing again. I think I'll just pour some more Dr. Pepper on myself and stick to the chair.  

  Being shoved into a tube was my favorite part...  

  I bent my wookie.