Is this the right trajectory?  

  I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.  

  I thought this was gonna be about herpes.  

  Its amazing how that and the Pirate water have the same aftertaste.  

  General Sherman is huge.  

  I grew up with four older sisters. It gave me a feminine perspective to everything.  

  Forces beyond my, or anyone's, understanding have aligned today, causing my boxer briefs to continually attempt to crawl as deeply and uncomfortably between my cheeks as is physically possible.  

  Uh, the Swans are vomiting cotton candy again.

Someone get a scooper....  

  It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.  

  Just another mental image that makes me wish that my brain had a delete button.  

  It's always a good thing when you can get into your wife's pants.  

  Bears prefer Alex's hot dogs  

  Eliza Hodgkins is a gay guy? Wodathunkit?
 

  I think that eating out gets old. Old and boring.  

  I think I still have grass in mt cooch.  

  I may have lost my soul but I'm not crazy...  

  I'm gonna go to this. I've been curious for years.  

  Just remember, you can wile away your coyotes, but you while away your time.  

  Pirates 1 was great. I'd rather stare into Lindsy Lohan's steamy crab infested hoo-haa than watch Pirates 2 or 3 again.  

  What's Cherny's BJ Like?  

  Porcupine balls are gross.  

  I think I just LARPed in my pants.  

  Makin' bacon right now! And going insane from the lovely scent!!  

  Hayao Miyazaki on the iPad: "It's disgusting. On trains, the number of those people doing that strange masturbation-like gesture is multiplying.  

  Oh yeah? Well in my day they nailed you into the seat, poured scalding coffee in your lap, and dropped you on your head from 200 feet without an ambulance. And we were grateful! LOL...