You aren't losing hair - you're just getting more head.  

  I thought only Hugh could prevent florist friars?  

  I miss Nabisco Bacon Thins...  

  I reserve the right to make us see something with naked women in it - and I don't mean Judi Dench.  

  I for one would like to see Alex and iSM have a Curmudgeon-off.  

  Peeing on a church roof in Disneyland.

It just blows my mind.  

  All this pounding. I'm either getting horny or a headache.  

  I say get her rashy ass back to jail.  

  Theres a reason its called 'cold turkey'.....cuz the turkey is DEAD!  

  v
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Awwwwww, kitten's first message!  

  I'm planing a drive-by.

Homies on the next block aren't respectin' - know what'm sayin????  

  Are you in the barn with the village elder?  

  To drive is human; to flatten SUVs, bovine.  

  If you can breathe, dear, it isn't tight enough.  

  Swine, pig whore, slut, trollop  

  There's nothing more anally retentive than a constipated Jew.  

  Power to the puppies.  

  Sh!t" is the tofu of cursing.  

  That sounds like something someone in a windowless minivan would say....  

  She's a little pygmy dancing monkey. Dance monkey dance! Shake your booty! Shake it!  

  I prefer not having hair stuck in my teeth.  

  One person’s clown barf is the next person’s gorgeous.
Why, WHY O LORD, do I have to live through the Second Coming of Leggings?  

  I think I just LARPed in my pants.  

  [To get out of fighting the Cola Wars I switched to Canadian Club.  

  But you're Catholic. That's practically Jewish.