Wow, an actual mea culpa. Hoist up the red longjohns!  

  We would bring the red longjohns but that's for dead people, not dead attractions.  

  There were only 2 and I was hidden by wine glasses.  

  You had the time....you just chose to do other things with it.  

  Of course she could call this one "Harry Potter plus some story stuff" and she'd still sell a bazillion copies.  

  It's not often we get to take a drunk virgin for a ride.  

  Hippy Pappy Happy Smaffy Laffy Daffy Dingle,

Every time a birthday comes we sing this little jingle,

It can cover birthdays for a multitude or single,

Hippy Pappy Happy Smaffy Laffy Daffy Dingle  

  The one I'm coming up with involves a large melon baller.  

  Ah, well tonight I'm planning to have some flaming cheese, so that seems suitable.  

  Congrats on your first time with the shaft!  

  Yes, I know. But in my head hallows is close enough to hollows with is close enough for me to free associate my way to large melon ballers being used in a deathly way.  

  One of the best stupid questions I ever heard-


"What season do deer turn into elk?  

  I would have myself, but that is not my style.  

  Your God, my God or no God. We are still one nation.


United We Stand, Divided We Fall  

  [SQUEEL]KITTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/SQUEEL]  

  Shiny!  

  No, I really am a driad with purple pointy teeth.  

  Hey! No one's quoted me!!!  

  Hey! No one's quoted me!!!  

  Wowa! I love our national security when a bunch of kids can accidentally call NORAD!!  

  What's worsde than going to the grocery store hungry?


Going to the pet store, after working all day, during the Holidays and pmsing. I came home with a rat in my hair!!!  

  The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'  

  Cool, assault with a deadly Marsupial. Sounds like a great movie title!  

  There's no i in team but there's one in bitch.  

  Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege

-anon