You aren't losing hair - you're just getting more head.  

  I miss Nabisco Bacon Thins...  

  I reserve the right to make us see something with naked women in it - and I don't mean Judi Dench.  

  Spontaneous Human Combustion! - How Cool! But I always thought it a trick you can only do once...  

  All this pounding. I'm either getting horny or a headache.  

  I say get her rashy ass back to jail.  

  v
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Awwwwww, kitten's first message!  

  I'm planing a drive-by.

Homies on the next block aren't respectin' - know what'm sayin????  

  Are you in the barn with the village elder?  

  To drive is human; to flatten SUVs, bovine.  

  !!  

  She seriously has reached that "punch her in the face and she'll turn to mummy dust" age.  

  If you can breathe, dear, it isn't tight enough.  

  Well, I passed "lather" but I failed "rinse," and then I failed "repeat" too because it includes rinse, which I don't think is very fair.  

  Swine, pig whore, slut, trollop  

  There's nothing more anally retentive than a constipated Jew.  

  Power to the puppies.  

  Sh!t" is the tofu of cursing.  

  That sounds like something someone in a windowless minivan would say....  

  But now we know and experienced it for ourself and it can go away because I'd never do it again anyway (and the world revolves around me).  

  She's a little pygmy dancing monkey. Dance monkey dance! Shake your booty! Shake it!  

  I prefer not having hair stuck in my teeth.  

  One person’s clown barf is the next person’s gorgeous.
Why, WHY O LORD, do I have to live through the Second Coming of Leggings?  

  I think I just LARPed in my pants.  

  [To get out of fighting the Cola Wars I switched to Canadian Club.