I did get knocked semi-conscious today by a windblown umbrella  

  The only way you could make scaeagles tight again is to stick in a ham and pull out the bone.  

  Well, what if my kid gets trampled?!  

  He bit my boob.  

  That's The Derby  

  GD: Carp, it's 3 already?

NA: Goldfish, yes it is.  

  That's it. I'm moving to Scotland to become a Highland Cow farmer.  

  What if the cow is just born ugly? Is the Clint Howard of veal fair game?  

  Unless it was essentially an MTV Award for Shrillest Performance by a Shrilly Person.  

  That was totally neat!!!! I do like the balls better though.  

  If goodness is determined by the lack of crap in the living room and no piles of shoes, my family and I will be burning in the pit of hell for all eternity.  

  You made out on your first date? GD is a slut!  

  The exact quote of Obama is,  

  I'm gonna wear my Halloween costume.
Every fag protest needs a cowboy.  

  TRON 2 is coming out soon. That's much more interesting than what Erica could possibly be posting  

  it isn't too often I get to show it off in public.  

  If sunscreen tasted delicious this is what it would taste like.  

  Suck it, macadamia man! There can be only one champion worthy of the "Baking Is Gay!" trophy towel. I am that champion.  

  Getting over this impulse is the next vital step in your question to flawlessly Alex someone.  

  While out of context is usually funny I wish there was a track back link to the original thread.  

  I'm going to apply some nuts to my face this year.  

  Relax, other than life sustaining medications, there is nothing terribly vital to be forgotten.  

  Errr, don't you just move the lever and bump into things? Is there more to it than that?  

  Good observation by lashbear, regarding the tongue.  

  I just don't want to be sticky. I'm okay with wet.