Yes, it does seem that a robotic sphincter would solve all your problems.  

  Woooo that looks really gay. I'm in!  

  Wow that sounds like a lot of fun! Except for the no-pants part.  

  I personally hope for a society where everyone is chipped, the government sees everything, and artificial intelligence threatens our species. Then maybe we'll get some new plots for sci-fi movies.  

  When we went house-hunting last weekend, we visited Disney's Hyperion Studios, which was renamed "Gelson's". Like Disney-MGM, it no longer has a working animation team on site.  

  MmMMmM. Smoked pork roast, cooked by the essence of flaming tragedy.  

  Which is why I find myself living in Los Angeles, producing movie websites, and.. today... writing a political play about Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Mmmm, that's good derail.  

  (Bing Crosby sits by his fireplace in a smoking jacket with a mug of hot cider in one hand. A lit Christmas tree sits to his left.)
Bing: "Hello, friends. You know, nothing says Christmas like a giant rubber double-sided dong.  

  Oh yeah well I think you're WRONG. I bet there'll be a hard cover at $75, a fabulous gay edition bound with Dumbledore's enchanted nipple clamps at $125, and a special "I sold my soul to Satan for a bestselling children's series" edition, bound in human skin for $1255.99 (at Wal-Mart). So THERE. Nyah!  

  Eating the Disneyland mapbook ranks higher than Village Haus.  

  C'mon people settle down. You've already gone and got the thread sticky.  

  And it looks like the rabbit in your sig is preventing cancer.  

  That's ok, the OED has acknowledged that whom has disappeared from spoken English.

But if you remember to use it when following a preposition ("to whom shall I deliver the letter", "before whom must I bow", "upon whom did the porn star ejaculate copiously") then you'll understand it better than 95% of the population.  

  Did you know that garbage disposals are not meant for grinding up small decorative coffee cups even though they fit down the drain?

I'll bet you didn't know that no one in my family has any idea what I'm talking about when I interrogated them on who broke our ding-dang-diddley disposal either.  

  Can't you read? He's going to put it in his sock.  

  What if I don't feel like arguing, eh? You ever think of that? Noooo...it's all about the JW Bear, isn't it? Never mind what other people want to do. Maybe I won't want to argue anymore. Maybe I just want to, like, sing or something.

You gotta problem with that, mister?






(You should- I'm a terrible singer.)  

  Then you're doing it wrong. You need to practice your vomiting skills. A well performed vomit should sound more like "hu, hu, ugh, hhhrrrrrruuuwoooosh, oh god, god dammit, hhhhrrrrrrooowooosh".  

  My pants are missing again. I think I'll just pour some more Dr. Pepper on myself and stick to the chair.  

  Another good tip is to add bacon to your bacon - a wonderful taste treat!  

  It's the steam punk internet!  

  I saw that yesterday and am much amused by it, so amused by it that I had actually printed it out to put on my cube wall when I realized I was about to become the type of person that prints out comics and puts them on my cube wall.

I don't want to be that guy so I threw it away. But I'm still amused by it.  

  I must agree. I see zero sense in making such a thing so readily available to the first feckless wanker with $200 burning a hole in his pocket.


(mine should arrive in 10-14 business days )  

  So drive naked and put the bacon on when you get there. Problem solved.  

  Tatas shouldn't have an apostrophe.  

  Yep. Kind of like when the dog runs into the couch, just a little jiggle.