Thanks to the miracles of science, I have the sphincter of a 20 year old.  

  Congrats on your first time with the shaft!  

  I'm not compensating for a small penis with a huge SUV watch.  

  I'm so un-hip, it's a wonder my bum doesn't fall off.  

  I'd rather listen to a family of pigs being chucking into the Grand Canyon....  

  I think I am missing the third testicle that makes men crave explosions, muscle cars, and big TVs.  

  Woooo that looks really gay. I'm in!  

  Wow that sounds like a lot of fun! Except for the no-pants part.  

  I predict sausage in your future  

  I personally hope for a society where everyone is chipped, the government sees everything, and artificial intelligence threatens our species. Then maybe we'll get some new plots for sci-fi movies.  

  MmMMmM. Smoked pork roast, cooked by the essence of flaming tragedy.  

  Could you imagine? Eating a hamburger and then having a tiger maul you?  

  Eating the Disneyland mapbook ranks higher than Village Haus.  

  went twice last week

I love the dump. THE place to abandon the deluge of unneeded 'stuff' in ones life. I always feel better when leaving....although that might just be getting out of the smell zone.  

  C'mon people settle down. You've already gone and got the thread sticky.  

  And it looks like the rabbit in your sig is preventing cancer.  

  Yabba Dabba Doo!  

  People often ridicule the pot calling the kettle black ... but it's almost always the pot who knows best about the blackness it sees in kettle.  

  Hugs to the supersize dildo lubed with Not Afraid's snot.  

  If it was about passenger comfort, there would be all sorts of different fares, classes and cabins:

"Won't shut the f*ck up" class.
"Won't turn off cell phone until threatened with arrest" class.
"Insists on looking important by calling someone to say they've landed as soon as the wheels touch the ground" class.
"Last to board with a carryon that requires reshuffling of all overhead bins" class.
"Stows bunched up sweater in overhead bin on crowded flight" class.
"Blares music through headphones that I can hear three rows up" class.
"Falls asleep against window during drink orders" class. (Tap. Tap. "Excuse me, did you . . .?)

And so on. These people should all be charged extra. Or just given a good horsewhipping on the spot. Which I would pay extra to administer.  

  I am keeping my expectations low but it is a woodie after all.  

  What's the big deal about July 17th?  

  So she bought some lube and injected it and thought that would work - and it didn't. Color me shocked.  

  I read that as Bacon-aire - like a millionaire but with bacon. Mmmm.  

  Tatas shouldn't have an apostrophe.