Thanks to the miracles of science, I have the sphincter of a 20 year old.  

  Congrats on your first time with the shaft!  

  I'm not compensating for a small penis with a huge SUV watch.  

  I'd rather listen to a family of pigs being chucking into the Grand Canyon....  

  I will remember about innerSpaceman's package and sceagles sphincter, by dint of sheer repetition.  

  I predict sausage in your future  

  Think about how stupid the average person is. Then realize that half of everyone is dumber than that.  

  I hear Cafe Orleans has a great breakfast.  

  This morning my shorts were still wet and my bag too. Glad it was warm out it felt good to get that wet.  

  No, I don't have any tribal tats. Tats are dirty and bespoil gods beautiful creation.  

  The box has been cleaned and is ready for use.  

  Happy laffy daffy or however that goes.

I drop my pants in your honor good sir.  

  (Blah blah blah)...I had a point...

oh right... (continues)  

  room? only room anywhere nearby was the outhouse...and that was DEFINITELY self serve
 

  I think Cotillard's dress was terrible. I said it last night and I'll say it again... She looked like a tilapia.  

  I said cake. There are only two kinds of cake. Everything else is just a pretender to the title.  

  The Power of Chrysler Compels You!!!  

  Great news. There is nothing sadder to me in this world then a sick boob. May your wife's breasts continue to grow and prosper in good health. I believe its time to take them out and celebrate, preferably at the next meet! Huzzah!  

  What's the ecological impact of a loose inflatable pig?  

  I was having a crappy day at work today, until a group of old ladies got into an altercation in front of my window - it was the funniest thing I've ever seen, like an episode of Golden Girls gone horribly wrong.  

  Hugs to the supersize dildo lubed with Not Afraid's snot.  

  However, I don't think (and maybe I'm insane)  

  I took an afternoon nap and had the most incredible steam punk inspired dreams. It would have made a fantastic film.

Oh, and there was tap dancing involved.  

  Little know fact: common side effects of earl gray colonics include strange baldness patterns and an insufferable tendency to quote Shakespeare.  

  7AM tomorrow, the surgeon will storm the beaches of my throat... it's D-Day for my tonsils.