Thanks to the miracles of science, I have the sphincter of a 20 year old.  

  Congrats on your first time with the shaft!  

  I'm not compensating for a small penis with a huge SUV watch.  

  I'm so un-hip, it's a wonder my bum doesn't fall off.  

  I'd rather listen to a family of pigs being chucking into the Grand Canyon....  

  Yes, it does seem that a robotic sphincter would solve all your problems.  

  I think I am missing the third testicle that makes men crave explosions, muscle cars, and big TVs.  

  Woooo that looks really gay. I'm in!  

  Wow that sounds like a lot of fun! Except for the no-pants part.  

  When we went house-hunting last weekend, we visited Disney's Hyperion Studios, which was renamed "Gelson's". Like Disney-MGM, it no longer has a working animation team on site.  

  MmMMmM. Smoked pork roast, cooked by the essence of flaming tragedy.  

  Which is why I find myself living in Los Angeles, producing movie websites, and.. today... writing a political play about Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Mmmm, that's good derail.  

  (Bing Crosby sits by his fireplace in a smoking jacket with a mug of hot cider in one hand. A lit Christmas tree sits to his left.)
Bing: "Hello, friends. You know, nothing says Christmas like a giant rubber double-sided dong.  

  C'mon people settle down. You've already gone and got the thread sticky.  

  And it looks like the rabbit in your sig is preventing cancer.  

  Did you know that garbage disposals are not meant for grinding up small decorative coffee cups even though they fit down the drain?

I'll bet you didn't know that no one in my family has any idea what I'm talking about when I interrogated them on who broke our ding-dang-diddley disposal either.  

  Hugs to the supersize dildo lubed with Not Afraid's snot.  

  Then you're doing it wrong. You need to practice your vomiting skills. A well performed vomit should sound more like "hu, hu, ugh, hhhrrrrrruuuwoooosh, oh god, god dammit, hhhhrrrrrrooowooosh".  

  So she bought some lube and injected it and thought that would work - and it didn't. Color me shocked.  

  My pants are missing again. I think I'll just pour some more Dr. Pepper on myself and stick to the chair.  

  However, I don't think (and maybe I'm insane)  

  I saw that yesterday and am much amused by it, so amused by it that I had actually printed it out to put on my cube wall when I realized I was about to become the type of person that prints out comics and puts them on my cube wall.

I don't want to be that guy so I threw it away. But I'm still amused by it.  

  I read that as Bacon-aire - like a millionaire but with bacon. Mmmm.  

  So drive naked and put the bacon on when you get there. Problem solved.  

  Tatas shouldn't have an apostrophe.