Reality has a well-known liberal bias.  

  Perhaps it's so you can alert the pilot to the gremlin on the wing.  

  I always thought it would be great if people laid eggs. That way if you don't want the baby, you can just make a nice omelet.  

  Let the puppies out, and have a good time.  

  As a Jewish man, I favor the spandex undergarment because it allows me to wear tallit to the pool.  

  Poo on them. All of them.  

  I'm a screamin virgin, why not?  

  Wait, isn't she the doodoo eater? Poor gentleman caller!  

  (Blah blah blah)...I had a point...

oh right... (continues)  

  Your pants exist as cheese? Or just right now?  

  I mean, I love buying condoms. I just slap them down on the counter and give that proud grin which means, "Dude, I'm getting LAID!  

  Fast Passes are for terrorists!  

  This is a totally missed Rickroll opportunity.  

  I've not blown anything too bad.  

  I can't imagine that allegations that a board game is Satanic require a debunking more thorough than "That's f*ckin' stupid.  

  ... but Mickey needs balls!  

  I thought this was actually going to be about grills inside houses. It happens every year when there is a power outage -- some idiots try to cook on their grill inside their house or attached garage and get carbon monoxide poisoning. I suppose it's a modern form of natural selection.  

  GD - It's like you, only baby face you with a little trainer beard! :P  

  Nothing is good.  

  Only 3 slices of bacon? That's no sandwich, that's an amuse bouche.  

  I'm going to apply some nuts to my face this year.  

  I'm envisioning the next wave of promos with a bunch of mutants slogging through LA saying cheerily to the camera, "Fritz said it would be like this.  

  Watch this space for further cockups!  

  Tatas shouldn't have an apostrophe.  

  Oh damn, I was sexretly hoping you would go for the gold pants.