We know where Bush's head is.  

  The Slobrador just ate the popcorn.

Bad dog.  

  Lecherous men with dessert porn.  

  If a woman is going to earn my vote, she has to be someone who was not having sex with the president. Like Hillary Clinton.  

  Sometimes having split personalities has it's drawbacks.

No it doesn't! Don't listen to him...  

  Things might not have gotten out of hand if Daisy had simply said to Gatsby, "You always look so temperate.  

  I went last year and tooted EP Ripley's whistle!  

  I went last year and tooted EP Ripley's whistle!

It was awesome!  

  How did a 17-year-old Jewish girl come to say, "Yeah, that Newt Gingrich. He speaks for me."  

  LoT is the warm chocolate fondue where I come to dip the crusty French bread of my soul.  

  twelve isn't too young to experience the first taste of bitter, soul-killing rejection.  

  Small world, eh?

With or without rainforests...  

  I assume that a Vladimir Putin is the opposite of a Vladimir Pullout.

If your dick's name is Vladimir.  

  For the workers to own the means of production in this country, the revolution would have to occur in China.  

  Next time my mom visits, I'm going to cut the cheese.  

  Next time my mom visits, I'm going to cut the cheese.  

  Still, that is why we should have things like the pledge in school: to give kids to think about and overreact against so that they can eventually find their way towards the sacred, imaginary middle.  

  You should have Lucent Dossier come and perform at your house. That's what would happen on the better sitcoms.  

  If it was about passenger comfort, there would be all sorts of different fares, classes and cabins:

"Won't shut the f*ck up" class.
"Won't turn off cell phone until threatened with arrest" class.
"Insists on looking important by calling someone to say they've landed as soon as the wheels touch the ground" class.
"Last to board with a carryon that requires reshuffling of all overhead bins" class.
"Stows bunched up sweater in overhead bin on crowded flight" class.
"Blares music through headphones that I can hear three rows up" class.
"Falls asleep against window during drink orders" class. (Tap. Tap. "Excuse me, did you . . .?)

And so on. These people should all be charged extra. Or just given a good horsewhipping on the spot. Which I would pay extra to administer.  

  The belly. Everybody touches the belly. Nobody touches the penis. Why is that?  

  [QUOTE=innerSpaceman;292740]Toblerone Sloan is the coolest name I've ever heard. [/QUOTE]

How would you pronounce it? Toe-bowl-row-knee?  

  If you put your laptop in the dishwasher, I guarantee you all the malware on that computer won't bother you any more.  

  I'm a supporter of the First Amendment, and I'm a supporter of the Second Amendment. In each case, you can bet that anyone doing anything that requires loud invocation of either Amendment is probably going to be acting like an asshole.  

  Ernest Borgnine's performance in The Poseidon Adventure epitomizes cinema in the '70s, the decade of men yelling.  

  Why would you stifle your poor child's imagination by rigidly insisting that he tether himself carseatlike to a world in which owls don't say moo? What kind of grey flannel suit pre-school are you sending him to?