Perhaps it's so you can alert the pilot to the gremlin on the wing.  

  The one I'm coming up with involves a large melon baller.  

  I think my socks were literally blown off.  

  For the wrong person dying, Denis Leary used (and probably still does) to have a bit about that. John Lennon taking the bullet when Yoko Ono was a foot away. Some other beloved artist overdosing just walking into a room with cocaine while you could put Motley Crue in a vault stacked to the ceiling with crack and they walk out the next day leaving it clean.  

  I know that I wake up each and every day thankful that Paris Hilton's beauty is out there, making up for my own aesthetic failures. She adds so much to my hum-drum existence. Why, without her influence I might never have seen so much starlet hooha. And without starlet hooha, is life really worth living?  

  Silly child - bacon does not come to those who wait - rather it must be plucked in stealthy conspiracy as it drips cool and crispy fresh out out of the frying pan.  

  [QUOTE=Chernabog;159543]I lost my virginity the other week...[/QUOTE]

Oh, I found it found cowering behind the couch. Claimed it hadn't seen you in years, I let it go outside (catch and release) with some condoms, which it threw in my face. Nasty little thing.  

  [quote=Cadaverous Pallor;160637]*licks pencil*

"Brains...is last...on list." Got it.[/quote]
Well, I didn't mean to rank them, but I can't be as tricky as I want to be if he's too brainy.

And, of course, there's a myriad of other qualities that I'm looking for that didn't even make the list. I mean, I didn't even list "enormous schwanzstucker" but, hey, that would be nice.
 

  [quote=Snowflake;184507]Crispy lardons of bacon, smothered in a parmasan cream sauce over butternut squash gnocchi would be my choice.[/quote]Oh my...that description gave ME a lardon.  

  Nah, we need our own version of Habitat for Humanity - we'll call it Vacant LoT and build it.  

  We loved bacon before bacon was a thing. We will continue loving bacon and inwardly smirk at the trendy bacon poseurs. And in the end, we will continue to have our bacon.  

  Gollum: The Missing Years

The Orc Who Saved Christmas

Merry and Pippin Go to White Castle

Aragorn vs Predator

Galadriel Takes it Off

Treebeard's Iconvenient Truth

The Eye of Laura Mars, starring Sauron

Trading Places with Gandalf and Dumbledore  

  How exactly does one get a power tool excited? Getting excited BY power tools I understand, but I do not know how to reciprocate.  

  I think this whole "dark" thing is nothing but the Hollywood squeeky machine being oiled with cow dung. ~Bornieo  

  ELIVS LIVES!  

  I'm usually pretty ecumenical about my chocolate; but when you introduce the Melamine Roulette angle, I'm tempted to swear off all but the really, really good stuff.  

  Pronunciations vary, Lash. The real question is 'Do the really cool people pronounce it that way?' I lean toward the Chef Emiril pronunciation, but I think that's just a LaGasse thing.  

  I think my colon just fainted  

  I lost my Virginity too long ago to remember...
...but I still have the Box it came in....  

  If the bad moods on this board don't go away soon, I'm going to be the liberal that goes insane and kills someone.  

  sometimes the workplace is not ready for the awesomeness of my pants.  

  I don't know why my mind goes to places like this.  

  I will be cancer free and not have to under go any radiation or chemo. I also will never get breast cancer again.

Huzzah!  

  Sending Positive Pussy Mojo to Kevy.  

  i just like wiggling the cam from across the country.