I can't quote enough of you!  

  The worst thing that could happen is you die. And I've never heard any dead people complain so I just assume it isn't that bad. Sure, some people complain about the dying part, but they're just whiners.  

  YAY FIRE!  

  I mean, she almost hit me twice.
What a dinglecheese.  

  Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.  

  Then you're just not hungry enough. There are children wearing 'Patriots 19-0' t-shirts who would kill for some frozen oatmeal rocks.  

  I won a major award!
I win!
 

  Ode to Roomba

There was a bunch of stuff on the ground
And you picked it up nicely the first time around
With a daily mess we'll have no more
We can do other stuff while you do the chore
Your only job is that of sucking
For now you give us more time for...

 

  When are we beating up the Jehovah' Witness' with bats??  

  Dude, if you've been fvcking donuts, we need to get you a woman, pronto...  

  You sound like my wife: always wanting more inches.

Oh, wait...  

  That is it, your Gay Card is being revoked!  

  (Ba-Da-Da-Da-DA-Da)
You Say It's Your Birthday!
(Ba-Da-Da-Da-DA-Da)
Better You Then Me, Dude!
(Ba-Da-Da-Da-DA-Da)
This is totally my least favorite Beatles song!
(Ba-Da-Da-Da-DA-Da)
I hate it when people sing it, so, terribly sorry  

  Sometimes I just wish someone would say, "Gee, maybe picking lint off of my koolats is annoying to the ten cars who are waiting for the gas pump I just finished using. Maybe I should just get into my car and drive the f*ck off.  

  You haven't really [second-] lived until you encounter the idiot wearing a prominent, badly-sculpted, rampant willie trying to make the cyber-secksies with you when you're wearing a dinosaur avatar. Hilarity.  

  If I am in international waters on a pleasure cruise I expect to be offered gambling, prostitution, otherwise illicit drugs, and the meat of endangered animals.  

  Mmmm. Condor hot wings.  

  A few folks around here need to hand in their Geek license.  

  It's this new idea at Disneyland. It's called Peecycle.
The logo for the program is Jiminy Cricket taking a whiz in Cleo's fishbowl as she swims merrily.  

  Trojans couldn't stop the Beavers"

WAH WAH WAAAHHHH  

  Hideo ho!

Margarita,s were really godddds!  

  I think if the Dave Matthews Band played the Golden Horseshoe, I think I'd just explode in a cloud of fag dust.  

  By voting early you miss out on all the "October Surprise" fun. What if it turns out your candidate is really a five headed hydra from the planet Garfarco? You'll feel pretty silly then.  

  I vibrated for nothing?  

  No, you get to vibrate all weekend, doofus.