I can't quote enough of you!  

  Hey, don't go pissing on people's joy parades!

That's my job.  

  YAY FIRE!  

  I mean, she almost hit me twice.
What a dinglecheese.  

  Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.  

  Then you're just not hungry enough. There are children wearing 'Patriots 19-0' t-shirts who would kill for some frozen oatmeal rocks.  

  BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN....Here is a Bulletin...The sun did not come up this morning, huge cracks have appeared in the earth's surface, and big rocks are falling out of the sky! Details 25 minutes from now on ACTION CENTRAL NEWS SCAN!  

  Ode to Roomba

There was a bunch of stuff on the ground
And you picked it up nicely the first time around
With a daily mess we'll have no more
We can do other stuff while you do the chore
Your only job is that of sucking
For now you give us more time for...

 

  Dude, if you've been fvcking donuts, we need to get you a woman, pronto...  

  You sound like my wife: always wanting more inches.

Oh, wait...  

  That is it, your Gay Card is being revoked!  

  Oh no! GC has a bad case of the straights! Quick! Someone play a Julie Andrews movie for him!!  

  (Ba-Da-Da-Da-DA-Da)
You Say It's Your Birthday!
(Ba-Da-Da-Da-DA-Da)
Better You Then Me, Dude!
(Ba-Da-Da-Da-DA-Da)
This is totally my least favorite Beatles song!
(Ba-Da-Da-Da-DA-Da)
I hate it when people sing it, so, terribly sorry  

  Sometimes I just wish someone would say, "Gee, maybe picking lint off of my koolats is annoying to the ten cars who are waiting for the gas pump I just finished using. Maybe I should just get into my car and drive the f*ck off.  

  You haven't really [second-] lived until you encounter the idiot wearing a prominent, badly-sculpted, rampant willie trying to make the cyber-secksies with you when you're wearing a dinosaur avatar. Hilarity.  

  Baseball is boring. The players wear entirely too much clothing.  

  If I am in international waters on a pleasure cruise I expect to be offered gambling, prostitution, otherwise illicit drugs, and the meat of endangered animals.  

  Mmmm. Condor hot wings.  

  A few folks around here need to hand in their Geek license.  

  It's this new idea at Disneyland. It's called Peecycle.
The logo for the program is Jiminy Cricket taking a whiz in Cleo's fishbowl as she swims merrily.  

  I wonder how I'd react if Millard Fillmore called me...  

  Trojans couldn't stop the Beavers"

WAH WAH WAAAHHHH  

  Hideo ho!

Margarita,s were really godddds!  

  What? They're releasing Cheney into the wild??? Run for your lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

  No, you get to vibrate all weekend, doofus.