Congrats on your first time with the shaft!  

  Meals shmeals! I want cornnuts and a suckie. Half coke, half cherry.  

  Wow that sounds like a lot of fun! Except for the no-pants part.  

  Musky, musty or whatever. It's all stank ass to me.  

  whatever. It's all stank ass to me.  

  Does my iGasm come complete with poon buds?
 

  No fork needed, all finger action!  

  The upside? I can always ride him to work if I should encounter car trouble.  

  I loves me the weener!  

  Heehee... she said "dicks".  

  I mean, you're literally shoving a teapot spout up your nose, and the result is not pretty.  

  Ugh. I gave my dinner oral.  

  Why be discreet when you can serve up your teet? That's my motto.  

  Lots of things I've never done but feel pretty confident I wouldn't like.  

  I'm spending time discovering me, and you just can't find that in a lipgloss wand.  

  I like the dark side. They have donuts here.  

  I like the dark side. They have donuts here.  

  What. I'm normal for me.  

  I like decapitation. If you decapitate someone, you really meant it. That's impressive.  

  I like decapitation. If you decapitate someone, you really meant it. That's impressive.  

  I had a dyke in a gay bar drop her pants in front of me last night.
She wore boxers underneath. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or relieved.  

  Baked potato, creme brulee, and the company of friends. At Disneyland! Doesn't get much better than that.  

  I hope all you need is a jump!  

  They're Australian, not crazy.  

  I knew I loved nerds! Don't mess with people with brains!