I came THAT close to messing my pants...  

  People who say they don't eat bacon most likely have a secret stash in a piano seat or something.

 

  Alex Stroup - "I think the cardinal rule of home ownership is "If the house hasn't fallen down it is good enough and we'll probably move before it does."

- I think that's also called the Pressler approach.  

  ... and if that doesn't make you want to see it yourself then you're boring.  

  I don't know, perhaps I'm old fashioned, but if I'm going to masturbate, I'm not going to hop in the car and head to the grocery store to thump some melons. Guess I just prefer porn over produce.  

  I called in useless.  

  Remember, Lashbear lives in our future!!!!!!!!  

  We have no idea what it was, but I for one welcome our new insect overlords.  

  I wonder when Nietzsche will start appearing in my add - offering to add inches with his Will to Power technique?  

  Ya can't make this stuff up!!!  

  The dance card here isn’t full, but it helps to not be a wallflower.  

  I'm spending time discovering me, and you just can't find that in a lipgloss wand.  

  He brought prostitution to it's knees, one hooker at a time.  

  Most people are just finding in it what they were already looking for.  

  The memory even tastes gross...  

  No more chicken, no more cow,
Feed me friggin' bacon now!  

  Remember to laugh. I hope that at the end of my life, that's the wisdom I have to offer.  

  You know, I think we need to propose a law that forbids anyone other than Catholics from using the word "prayer". After all, the word entered the English language from French at the beginning of the 14th century, and at that time Catholicism would have been the predominant religion, so clearly the word was never intended to apply to anything other than Catholic prayer.  

  ...a disquieting metamorphosis as my body becomes a baby machine.  

  Marketing always gets the blame. That's ok, though. We can usually persuade ourselves out of it.  

  I like my asparagus like I like my men: Tender but firm, and wrapped in bacon.  

  The correct grammar would be "CANT HAZ!  

  Success and failure are not defined by how many mistakes you made or didn't make, how many good or bad decisions you might have made, or how often you've been right or wrong. They are defined by how you handle the mistakes, the bad decisions, and being wrong. Success isn't perfection, success is treating every step as a new opportunity to get it right, no matter how many steps you've gotten wrong up to that point.  

  [quote=Ghoulish Delight;344886]No, I'm talking insects. The 6 mile long swarm I biked through on the way to work this morning.[/quote]

Protein. Ride with your mouth open.

(It's Nature's little Power Bar.)  

  Nipples can wait. (It's the sequel to Heaven Can Wait.)