I came THAT close to messing my pants...  

  People who say they don't eat bacon most likely have a secret stash in a piano seat or something.

 

  Unless a pig died for my gastronomic indulgence, it ain't bacon.  

  Alex Stroup - "I think the cardinal rule of home ownership is "If the house hasn't fallen down it is good enough and we'll probably move before it does."

- I think that's also called the Pressler approach.  

  ... and if that doesn't make you want to see it yourself then you're boring.  

  How did a 17-year-old Jewish girl come to say, "Yeah, that Newt Gingrich. He speaks for me."  

  I don't know, perhaps I'm old fashioned, but if I'm going to masturbate, I'm not going to hop in the car and head to the grocery store to thump some melons. Guess I just prefer porn over produce.  

  I called in useless.  

  Remember, Lashbear lives in our future!!!!!!!!  

  Whenever I make a sandwich at home and put lettuce on it, I feel like I'm stealing food from the rabbit.  

  We have no idea what it was, but I for one welcome our new insect overlords.  

  I wonder when Nietzsche will start appearing in my add - offering to add inches with his Will to Power technique?  

  Ya can't make this stuff up!!!  

  The dance card here isn’t full, but it helps to not be a wallflower.  

  I'm spending time discovering me, and you just can't find that in a lipgloss wand.  

  Spitzer? I hardly know her.  

  Most people are just finding in it what they were already looking for.  

  The memory even tastes gross...  

  We've had a little conversation here, in the virtual world, that may come up in actual face-to-face conversation the next time we're at a LoT meet. In one thread we're talking about our high school experiences, in another, our political feelings, and in a third, what songs make us happy. And, of course, bacon.  

  I am fairly certain that it is against the Geneva convention to confine someone to a hospital bed and not provide internet access.  

  ...a disquieting metamorphosis as my body becomes a baby machine.  

  Marketing always gets the blame. That's ok, though. We can usually persuade ourselves out of it.  

  If a guy plays QB at Notre Dame and can walk and chew gum at the same time, Superstar!  

  Success and failure are not defined by how many mistakes you made or didn't make, how many good or bad decisions you might have made, or how often you've been right or wrong. They are defined by how you handle the mistakes, the bad decisions, and being wrong. Success isn't perfection, success is treating every step as a new opportunity to get it right, no matter how many steps you've gotten wrong up to that point.  

  Nipples can wait. (It's the sequel to Heaven Can Wait.)