It's not often we get to take a drunk virgin for a ride.  

  This is why God made the dollar section at Target.  

  I'm not compensating for a small penis with a huge SUV watch.  

  I'm waiting for Rowan & Martin's Haunted Mansion. Is Ruth Buzzi available?  

  I reserve the right to make us see something with naked women in it - and I don't mean Judi Dench.  

  how tender is YOUR loin ?  

  I love these two and want them to go all the way  

  [Is it] a sin to bite the hand of Jesus while making sex dolls fornicate on an inflatable altar? Is this, maybe, covered in Leviticus? Or maybe Matthew?  

  I have over 20 pair in my closet - just because I have a penis, doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good pair of shoes  

  [QUOTE=Chernabog;159543]I lost my virginity the other week...[/QUOTE]

Oh, I found it found cowering behind the couch. Claimed it hadn't seen you in years, I let it go outside (catch and release) with some condoms, which it threw in my face. Nasty little thing.  

  Halloween cannot start until October 1st.
Thanksgiving cannot start until the beginning of November.
Christmas cannot happen until the day after Thanksgiving.

Period.

The foot is down.  

  Lots of things I've never done but feel pretty confident I wouldn't like.  

  Honey, I was a FH before you were gay.  

  Do I really live in f*cking Utah?  

  Unfortunately, whether he is pitching or catching, there is little that his "companions" are able to actually feel. The ol' ham ain't what it used to be and the flipside....well, it was never very impressive to begin with. Sadly, it gets harder and harder for him to justify the price of a toaster. From what I understand, he will now accept a Bic Lighter as payment.  

  Do we have a "Wee bit miffed but I'll get over it" thread here on Lot?  

  but the IHOP employees get REALLY mad when you puke on their front window... or so I've heard  

  If you are only good because of religion that I suggest you aren't really a good person, just a scared one.  

  Next time my mom visits, I'm going to cut the cheese.  

  And I know the thing to do is just do it. But then my resistance wouldn't be irrational, would it? And I'm irrational about so few things that I tend to be clingy in their presence.  

  Yes, but I don't want to meet random people, I want to meet LoTters. You know, people I can trust to construct complete sentences that don't consist entirely of "me too!!!!  

  Interesting, but how would you rate your time spent at Lot:

1. Not at all satisfied
2. Somewhat satisfied
3. mostly satisfied
4. So totally satisfied I need to keep a box of Kleenex handy.  

  I'd like to see them stick a little closer to the ride and maybe include a scene with the pirates sailing past a restaurant.  

  We all know iSm has Rant Tourettes Syndrome.
 

  I think I speak for all of us when I say that you are certifiably nuts.

Good luck.