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I had a really bad day yesterday. I don't know why I let his actions affect me so much. I know he doesn't care about me anymore, but it is hard to to let go. After finding out that he has plans today with the widow, I decided to take Nickolas to Disneyland. I want to spend time with him today, but I don't feel that I should have to be around her and her kids to do it. I am pretty much ready to go, just waiting for Nick's alarm to go off. My folks are so sick of him and his actions, the holidays ought to be loads of fun (not!). Even yesterday, all I wanted was to go to breakfast with him, but he told me he didn't have time. I came home and went to bed, only to get up and hear from my son that he took her and her kids out to eat. It has been over a year since Jimmy took his life, I know now htat David will never get over it, and that my marrage is over. I am just so tired of crying over what will never be. I have made plans to go to my entire reunion weekend without him.
My mom aksed me last night, "Why Disneyland?" I told her that it is the one place that I can forget about the bad stuff and just enjoy my son and myself, if only for a few hours. I also have to fulfill a promice to Nick, one I made in September. I told him if I didn't take him to the fair this year I would take him to DCA to play the games.
I may end up volunteering to work Saturdays for othe rpeople just to limit my time at home, but that isn't fair to Nick. He has to have 1 parent he can rely on. *sigh* I think it is time to go back on the Prozac.
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