[scaeagles]

.....is not worth living. Or so said Socrates.

I have just come from a funeral (of the surgeon who performed my first surgery in April 2005, and died this past Saturday). While I realize funerals are to focus on and remember the good in the life of the deceased, I am amazed and feeling completely underwhelmed with my existance at present. I would have expected to know some of these things, as my my wife taught of three of his children when they were in the 6th grade, but I knew none of them, as he was a very humble man who wasn't interested personal accolades.

He led medical and charitable trips to Bolivia twice a year for the last 10 years (prior to the onset of his illness), often at great personal expense. He spent 4 days a month volunteering at an inner city clinic. Those are just the major things....I won't go into the minutia of his charitable actions.

This has led to to the realization that I suck.

I don't have the medical or surgical skills he did, and I don't have the resources to fund trips overseas. But I sure as hell have more that I can give of myself, even to my family.

I could go into all the things I should do and can do, but that list would be too long.

I hope the post funeral emotions don't subside. I don't want to suck.