[tracilicious]

The only rules that matter are these: what a man can do, and what a man can't do. Jack could knit, dunk a basketball, and bake a quiche. Jack could not balance his checkbook or find a woman that wouldn't leave him the first time a dapper man in a sharp suit walking a Labrador walked by his over-sized bay window.

Jack stared at the frog in his fish tank. He lived so serene a life. Merrily swimming his legs apart, together, apart, together. Not a thought in his froggy brain...or so Jack though. Little did Jack know that this frog had not only sent the dapper, suit wearing, Labrador walking man to walk past the over-sized bay window, but he also had a highly intelligent form of psychic communication, as all frogs do, unbeknownst to humans.

This frog had a name, but you couldn't pronounce it anyways, so we'll leave it be. This frog was in love with Jack. He admired Jack's knitting, and his basketball dunking, and his delicious smelling quiches, and many many other things that one wouldn't normally expect a frog to admire. In fact, the frog's love for Jack was so consuming that he couldn't focus at all on his assignment (which was to set up a base of operations for travelling frog emissaries). So instead, he peered at Jack all day.

Insanely jealous of Jack's affection for female humans, the frog always managed to send them away. He listened to their conversations intently, eager to discover the weak points of the relationship, as well as pick out qualities that the women might desire, but Jack lacked. Then, at an opportune moment, the frog would focus all his psychic energy on setting up a situation to lure the women away from Jack. Away from his true love.

Little did the frog know that this particular female whom he had just lured away was Jack's soul mate. The one person he could have been truly, blissfully happy with. If only she had stuck around just a little longer, she would have known that as well. In the days and weeks to follow Jack would slip into a depression so deep that he would climb into his bathtub hugging the still plugged in toaster to his chest. It would be weeks before his elderly mother came to claim Jack's possessions. By then this frog will have starved to death. In the end, both Jack and the frog are victims of unrequited love.