[€uroMeinke]

I’ve had a few dreams I’ve had to abandon and then retrieve.

I’ve always valued creativity, and growing up I was certain I would end up doing something creative. I was an avid reader, so words was my presumed medium. In college I majored in Philosophy, as I presumed this would spawn great ideas to transform and illustrate through fiction, as Camus or Sartre did. In College I also entertained the dream that my day job would be in academia, as a philosophy professor no doubt.

But I never made it to grad school to pursue my academic dreams. I ran out of money and my family had none to pitch in, my college transcripts held until I paid up my balance of the tuition.

So, I went home, got a temp job that eventually got me into a permanent job in the company I still work for today. One of the last generations of career employees, or so the demographers say. I’ll have been here 20 years come April. I never dreamed this is where I’d be.

Now I enjoy my work well enough, I’m well regarded and respected by people throughout the organizations. They all say hi to me as I walk down the halls and that always makes me smile. But I made a mistake, when I decided to make this my manufactured dream.

In an insane application of reverse midlife crisis, I resolved to immerse myself in my profession and excel in it, since that’s where I happened to be anyway. The people while nice, are nowhere near the type of folks I want to hang out with. I was bored, frustrated, and more annoyed than ever with this people who committed no sin, other than to be themselves. Despite my rather dull journey into management, I still long for the creative life.

Alas, I’ve come to realize that I honestly don’t have the drive, and perseverance to be successful in the creative world. I’ve seem friends suffer through long hardship in its pursuit, that I would never have endured. And now, those that stuck it out are doing quite well. I admire them more for that.

But at least now, I’ve helped create this site where I can dabble and play with words again, offer tidbits of armchair philosophizing, with a garnish of dream interpretation, and I’m quite satisfied with things. My other dreams of travel and satisfying an unending curiosity are also being addressed in a way I seldom acknowledge until I’m force to think about it.

My dreams didn’t play out like I thought they would back in High School, but they’ve continued to guide me through out my life and actually are what bring value and meaning into my life. It took me 40 years to figure that out, but it’s nice to know I can still learn things.