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AllyOops! · 03-10-2005, 08:35 PM

I, too, wonder so many of the same thoughts that you are all wondering as well!

I wonder why I live in a constant state of self fear and paranoia. Will I ever be good enough? I've been told I am my own worst enemy, and critic, and I believe that to be absolutely true. Why am I so self conscious? Will I ever have confidence in myself?

Why am I so bashful? It breaks my heart that people often mistake me for being "stuck-up" or "bitchy" when in fact I'm painfully shy. When I open up my mouth to speak, the words seem to lock themselves within the lump forming inside my throat. I freeze, not only around strangers, but even those that are my friends. So please know, if I seem quiet in person, or stay silent, it's not that I don't like or even love you. I'm just very shy.

Why am I trying to be everything to everybody? I jump through every hoop held out for me, like a desperate circus poodle. Why, more then anything, am I living my life for everybody but me? why did it take me so long to realize that epiphany? Why did it take so long for me to grow up? My life is much like an idle car purring in the driveway. Waiting for its passenger, or in this case, its driver, to finally come outside and take the wheel.

I suppose I am asking myself all of these tough questions because I am experiencing a colossal transition lately. A life changing, yet wonderfully fullfilling transition. I am preparing to move, and to a new city. It means embarking on not only a brand new journey, but a whole new life! As excited as I am, I am having lots of little fears. Will I acclamate to my new surroundings? Will I do well? Will I make everybody I love proud? My family? My friends? I hope with all of my heart I have their support, for I really need it. I know deep inside of my heart how very worth it this is. For once, I am doing what I have always wanted, and needed to do.

Because two things are for certain without asking myself why. One, anything worth having is worth working for. Nothing good comes easy, and God never closes a door without opening a window. Secondly, pleasing people and making them happy matters to me more then anything. However, I guess I need to realize that I, too, am part of the "people" and that maybe I need to please me and make me happy. In doing so, I think that might make my loved ones really, really happy. Here's hoping!

03-10-2005, 08:35 PM	#37
AllyOops! It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Introspection Intersection Posts: 1,207	I, too, wonder so many of the same thoughts that you are all wondering as well! I wonder why I live in a constant state of self fear and paranoia. Will I ever be good enough? I've been told I am my own worst enemy, and critic, and I believe that to be absolutely true. Why am I so self conscious? Will I ever have confidence in myself? Why am I so bashful? It breaks my heart that people often mistake me for being "stuck-up" or "bitchy" when in fact I'm painfully shy. When I open up my mouth to speak, the words seem to lock themselves within the lump forming inside my throat. I freeze, not only around strangers, but even those that are my friends. So please know, if I seem quiet in person, or stay silent, it's not that I don't like or even love you. I'm just very shy. Why am I trying to be everything to everybody? I jump through every hoop held out for me, like a desperate circus poodle. Why, more then anything, am I living my life for everybody but me? why did it take me so long to realize that epiphany? Why did it take so long for me to grow up? My life is much like an idle car purring in the driveway. Waiting for its passenger, or in this case, its driver, to finally come outside and take the wheel. I suppose I am asking myself all of these tough questions because I am experiencing a colossal transition lately. A life changing, yet wonderfully fullfilling transition. I am preparing to move, and to a new city. It means embarking on not only a brand new journey, but a whole new life! As excited as I am, I am having lots of little fears. Will I acclamate to my new surroundings? Will I do well? Will I make everybody I love proud? My family? My friends? I hope with all of my heart I have their support, for I really need it. I know deep inside of my heart how very worth it this is. For once, I am doing what I have always wanted, and needed to do. Because two things are for certain without asking myself why. One, anything worth having is worth working for. Nothing good comes easy, and God never closes a door without opening a window. Secondly, pleasing people and making them happy matters to me more then anything. However, I guess I need to realize that I, too, am part of the "people" and that maybe I need to please me and make me happy. In doing so, I think that might make my loved ones really, really happy. Here's hoping!
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