[Ponine]

Wow… amazing stories. Amazing. I thought I was alone in my torment.
The quote that gets me every time that I see Ever After, and thats a LOT is.. “Then let's say God puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you're supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first or was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just chance or are some things meant to be?”

I met Chris when I was a sophomore in high school. I dated his best friend for four years. (85-89) All through that time period, he was by and large nicer to me than his friend was. We all went together once and saw legend.. he proceeded to give me a note the next day with a picture of a unicorn, and tell me how innocent I was. (he was delusional, but it was still sweet)
When I would hang out with their group of friends, somehow something would always happen where he would have to jump to my defense. I know once, he rubbed my shoulders as I sat in my boyfriends house, and it was one o those moments where I thought.. okay, no, I have to get away from this situation or its gonna go down a path I cant go down since I already have a boyfriend.
Once we went to the beach as a group, La Jolla Shores.. anyway.. my boyfriend was throwing cans of soda down to those of us on the beach, and ended up hitting me in the neck with one. Didn’t care a whit.
Chris on the other hand, cared a lot. That night, with everyone in sleeping bags, and me in pain, I held on to Chris the whole night long. NOT my boyfriend..
We went out on a date in ‘89.. to this day I don’t know why that didn’t pan out.
We would run into each other at Halloween time, random Renn fair events, he would always be the gentleman, make my heart flutter, and bring me roses. I always had a boyfriend at the time, I never knew what to make of it. I always picked the guys who treated girls like dirt. Never knew what to do with him. He was too nice. And I was too popular.
In the early ‘90s.. maybe 92 or so.. we were at an event together, I was with Joe.. who I ended up breaking up with at the event. Since I rode up with Joe, I had no ride home I was willing to take. I rode home with Chris… I remember that ride being emotionally taxing. It was better to be with him even in silence. We got back to his home at around 11pm, not a time I wanted to be taken home to my parents, and decided that I would stay at his apt till morning.
I don’t remember how, or why, but prob sleeping in the same place with a guy that you’re not actually involved with, but has loved you intensely for years.. isn’t such a good idea. By morning, we were an item. And I was so in love with him.
I never thought I was good enough for him, he made me happy, but I didn’t deserve it. Anyone else been there? He sang to me, bought me flowers, remembered my birthday, called me Kitten. I thought he was wonderful.
My new friends depised him. He had gotten to me too fast. Other people were jealous. They did everything to tear us apart. After a few months, it worked. He walked away, leaving me in a pile of tears and broken hearted. Telling me that he was seeing someone else. (years later I will discover this was a fabricated lie)
I took the next proposal that came my way because I saw it as the last chance. Chris was at my wedding, I wouldn’t speak to him.
Three years later, he finds me in Colorado, where I have whisked myself away to in order to rebuild my life. He’s vacationing, alone. I am still insanely attracted to him. Once again I let him break my heart when he went back to CA.
He marries, I end up being the one they called when po’d, they tick me off… we don’t speak for a few more years. In the process we both have sons, two months apart. They divorce.
Feb 2004 I saw him at someone else’s wedding. I all but fainted. I wanted to talk to him, and bolt, all at the same time. In the fall, I finally had the courage to speak to him again. It’s all still there..every last emotion; and that scares the hell out of me.
No question he’s the one that got away, and I should LET him get away. Never mind the fact that its lovely to have someone around me who has known me for twenty years, and that I am so in love with him it hurts.
He is wonderful, always has been. Soemtimes when I talk to him, I am totally enthralled by his face, and how beautiful he is. Oddly, I'm not generally physically attracted to people. I could be happy just listening to him talk, even if it wasnt to me, just to hear the sound of his voice.
My confidence soars when I am near him, and it seems there is nothing I cannot do.
Alas, I have no idea if I have anywhere near the same effect on him.
Oh.. I need to stop.. I’m rambling.