[Strangler Lewis]

So I walked into a Starbuck's this morning, and I said to the assembled throng,
"Your morning drinks are on me."
Everyone cheered, and I was carried on their shoulders to the front of the line. And then I added,
"Except I'm not actually going to buy your drinks, but I am going to donate the value of your drink to a charity of my choice. You should all go about your business now. Without coffee, to be sure, but with an unexpected sense of fulfillment and appreciation for the beauty of human nature."
Needless to say, I was immediately dropped to the floor and swiftly beaten to death for my presumption. Or would have been if this had actually happened.
And rightfully so.