Quote:
Originally Posted by Mousey Girl
I know it isn't about the stuff, but at the same time he came home a bit hurt. He is old enough to know that his is the only b-day over there that gets short changed because it is near Christmas.
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Funny you should say this, as it reminds me of a scenario I came across when I was younger. Nickolas' situation is much harder for him to cope with (because of the other family stuff that's been going on), but I think you'll see the similarities.
All of us grandkids were hunky dory. It's not as though we ever got a crapton of gifts or anything, but it was all pretty good. On my dad's side of the family, my youngest aunt was always the favored one, the one my grandma got to (in a sense) live her missed life vicariously through. Everyone else was a black sheep of sorts, but it was okay, since everything always seemed pretty equitable. Every year for my birthday, I got a card. I'd learned not to expect anything from my father, because he was a flake, but his family always came through and helped me to feel loved.
My cousin, daughter of the favored aunt, who I love and adore comes along. Understandably, there was a hubbub at that first Christmas, since she was born the week before, but it was the following year that caught me off-guard. No card, on my birthday, no gifts at Christmas, no calls. No one came out and said it, but I knew at 12 what was up, and it hurt. It's not even like I needed the material things, but I felt totally forgotten because now there was someone new and exciting around, and since I was in growing up in Michigan, I was easy to forget.
It was then that I realized that gifts weren't the thing to be worried about in life. Sure, that side of the family is still super-gifty, but I don't really sweat it. I live here now and though I'm remembered, I'm told about things as an after-thought. I've never really gotten as much as other cousins on that side, and I've just gotten over it. I've created a personality around being the undemanding one (the one that doesn't borrow a few grand in an emergency) and in the end, I'm just not as close to that side (maybe because I'm not spending time over there sucking up for money).
I hope that Nick isn't forgotten. I was resentful not because of the gifts but because of the comparison... the change in my reality. I didn't really say anything about it, but I was hurt. Don't feel bad about wanting to buy him more, but I caution anyone against getting too much. I've seen what's happened with my mom and my sisters, wherein my mom buys way too much crap to keep my sisters "happy" (which they're not) after all the drama of the last 7 or so years.
I'll be thinking of you.
And Nephy ---- CAN I BE YOUR KID??