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Originally Posted by scaeagles
I would feel exactly the same. Although I do think your question is somewhat loaded and disagree with the premise - "to release their daughter from torment and let her soul be at rest". No one can say if she is in torment. From what I've read, she seems to be quite happy to spend time with her parents.
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I do apologize for appearing to have asked a loaded question. My intent was to ascribe to each side, hypothetically speaking, the most altruistic of intentions. I wasn't necessarily thinking of the specific case, but trying to imagine what reasons a genuinely loving set of parents might give for a wish to remove a feeding tube, and what a genuinely loving husband might give as his reasons for retaining the tube. I will try to be more careful with my language.
I do thank you, scaeagles, as well as wendybeth, for clarifying your positions. It definitely helps me understand both your feelings in this particular case, as well as what it is about your beliefs and experiences that led you to form that specific opinion. I really appreciate that you took the time to say more, and in a respectful fashion. I'd give snaps, but that seems a bit irreverent for this topic.
I'm not sure I honestly have a firm opinion in this case. My position changes depending on whose shoes I try to inhabit. And I don't have kids, so any attempts to conjecture how I might feel in that case is, well, conjecture. If my daughter were married to some guy I thought was a total jerk, I might well take similar steps to prevent him from having his say-so on her life and death.
And then I wonder what would happen if it was my husband with the feeding tube, and his parents insisted they wanted to keep the tube in. I can only imagine the things they would say about me. Meanwhile I think they don't know him, at least the adult him, half as well as they think they do.
My only solution is to rely on the "rules" which say who gets to decide. And don't think I don't know how unsatisfactory THAT solution is. Hearing more about what others think and *why* they think what they think helps me try to come up with something more satifactory.
The impression I get from a couple opinions posted here is that some of you view feeding tubes in the same way you might view, say, moving a quadriplegic to avoid bed sores. It's more of a routine maintenance than an extraordinary measure (like a respirator). I can't say I'm ready to agree with you, but I also can't say that I absolutely disagree with you. It's definitely something for me to think about.
As complicated as that issue is, even more complicated is: who speaks in her best interest? I don't even know how to tackle that. I honestly have no idea and I don't know if there's any way to accurately determine that. Of course people have their own opinions, but reasonable people differ. Scaeagles does bring up a good point of erring on the side of caution. And Claire brings up a good point of questioning whose best interests are being served -- Terri's or her parents?
I'm going to go offer and ponder all the good points a little more.