|
Hey, nice job! LSPE and I have watched, but as she is stuck late at work, I have been designated to pass along a couple of suggestions we had - we hope they'll be helpful on your next creative round.
We don't really know what kind of footage you have available to you at this point, but I did find myself thinking it would be great if you could include some of the breadth of material that will be in the show. Maybe this is something that will have to be added in over time as you do more shoots, but we think it would be great to have in there.
Also, we wouldn't have minded seeing the concept of the show spelled out more specifically, even if it was just through titles or voiceover ("Each week, we will take viewers..." etc.), because the concept wasn't entirely clear to me from the promo. You explained here on LoT the extensive range of material you plan to cover, and that's potential that the investors will want to know about! In this vein, LSPE sent me something to include, so I will quote her here: "Something that helps me when I'm working on proposals (or anything involving writing/selling, really)... are these questions. What is it that you're selling? How is it different from what everyone else is selling? Why this, why now?"
On smaller points, the text at the beginning is a little hard for me to read. I think that having the text front and center instead of angled with the video might make it easier to absorb. (LSPE says "eye-pleasing!") And I would play up the title more. You want "Motorheads" to stick in their minds! Also, it might be nice to look for opportunities to speed up the cutting, reduce the length of the dissolves, and cut to music a bit more, just to spice it up a bit.
Anyway, that's just some stuff we thought of. Please use any or none, whatever suits you.
|