[Prudence]

I've applied for just under 400 positions of all shapes and sizes. You think I haven't put forth effort? I kept sending them out, no matter how many people told me to give up. No matter how many attorneys told me they'd never hire someone like me. No matter how many facetious "I'm sure someone with your qualifications will have no trouble finding a position" rejection letters I received, I kept going.

But there's a point where it becomes ridiculous. I literally can not afford to send any more applications. I've spent thousands of dollars now on paper, ink, postage, envelopes - I can't afford it any more. And at some point it's just stupid to try any more. Sometimes you have to be realistic about what your options are. I'm being realistic now. Dreaming's all well and good, but now it's time for me to grow up, accept that things are as they are, and do my best to make do with what I have.

And yes. There are positions I could have. There are agencies that are so desperate for help that they would even hire me - and they pay less than I'd make flipping burgers. I don't need to make a fortune. In fact, most of the jobs I applied for start at 40K - or less. But 20-25K? I can't pay the mortgage on that, let alone student loans. As it is I'm planning to sell the condo this spring to pay off the student loans, because I don't have any other options. We'll have to rent for a few months, but then we can start over again. I'm fortunate that even with the market slump, our home has increased in value enough since we bought it that we'll be able to do that.

Sometimes it sucks to be a grownup, but I've got obligations and responsibilities, and chasing rainbows isn't one of them.