[Ponine]

All right… I feel a little better. Not great, but at least I’m not feverish.
Now… I grew up with two parents until the age of eight. I didn’t really fondle, or play doctor much, if at all. I know by the age of… six maybe, I had found my dad’s playboy magazines. But really, I only read the cartoons. I’m not sure they made sense to me at the time… I don’t remember. But I would sneak them all the time.

When my folks split at 8, within a year we had moved in with my moms boyfriend. I had the room next to theirs. I knew they smoked illicit substances, and that after that smell went away, they made a lot of noise, and were never seen again for the rest of the evening once they went in that room.
We had sex ed in 3rd grade, as there was a predator in the area, and wanted to make sure we were all aware, so I did know the mechanics of what was going on.

But I think, it was different then. I was a geek. My obsessions were with older movie stars.. but I didn’t get into teen beat or anything like that. I never cared about the clothe I wore, or wearing makeup. I made in into 9th grade, or 14 before I ever questioned my sexuality, or that of anyone else.
Now granted that's still young… But I was doing community theatre, and had very little parental involvement in my life. What I learned, I learned backstage. Then what I didnt learn there, as a teenager basically through force and rape.

Personally, I didn’t stop to think about what people would expect or want of me, till I was in high school. And really not until they started saying I was a tease. I wasn’t, I was just… unaware.
I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore.
I didn’t have the media, the sexuality in my face every day like my son and my niece do.
I wasn’t looking to pick up boys in grade school! I wanted to play D&D with them, not make sure I had the right training bra.
How… in the name of heaven, do I tell my son as he gets older… yes, I know what you see on tv. I KNOW what you see in music.. but really, that’s not how we treat women. We don’t walk up to strangers and pinch their a$$. Its just not done.
How do I enforce with my niece… the boys don’t need to see your stomach. They don’t need to see your cleavage that you don’t have yet. I know the other girls do it… but… I don’t think they should either. And when we're out in public! How do you explain to young women, I know that men want to talk to you that way. I know that you see in the news that little girls dress up like whores... but really, its not the way we want to live our lives.
But then you have me. The walking oxy moron. I like to dress up. Most of my work clothes have cleavage… am I setting a bad example?
Or... even still you have my family. We have a recovering sexaholic in a 12 step program. That supposedly, made us kids the way we are.

Did they? I never knew about the adulterous relationships... or the porn, or the paid favors.
But even now, that seems common place. much as it doenst shock us to her about a kiddie porn ring. Or the Law and Order episode with the young models, and using the aging software in reverse to make the models look even younger... we dont bat an eye. Why is that?