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Children are sexual beings in their own right. They experience feelings. They're naturally curious. And sometimes it's just being curious about their gender differences. Sometimes it's a curiosity about touch. I've had friends who cannot remember feeling at all sexual until the onslaught of puberty. And others who, like me, began exploring sexuality at a very early age. I flashed at 5. I was kissing by 9, with a one boy who was 10 and another who was 8. We were children finding our way with each other and there was nothing damaging about it. I was also about 9 when I started actually lying down with boys and we explored each other from head to toe. And there was no adult interference. It was all so innocent, even as we began to explore issues of dominance and submission. Seriously, we were really curious about changing places being the assertive partner, or the one who simply lied back and accepted the other's exploration.
The feelings were strange. There was tingling in the special places, but no understanding of consummation or orgasm. The need we felt was there but limited and, in my opinion, age appropriate.
I didn't feel guilty about any of it - I was assertive and confident and happy - until I got to junior high school and discovered that most of my classmates were just kissing for the first time, etc. And it didn't occur to me that people develop at different rates. When I learned to really compare myself to other people, I started giving my sexuality labels. This is right. This is wrong.
And though I hid some of this behavior from my parents, having an awareness that what we were doing was adult play (and I only came to that conclusion because we were, to some degree, mimics of what we saw on TV, etc.), I was frank in asking my parents about sex.
I think that certain media exposure can do harm. That children should be able to explore budding sexual interests with each other, or on their own, free from media images of what is supposed to be sexual, sexy, beautiful, erotic, etc. I felt that some of my natural instincts were perverted by some of what I'd seen on TV or in film. What initially felt like an exploration of my body and another's became a pantomine of some rated R film we snuck a peek at when our parent's weren't paying attention.
But I firmly believe that if we were all left to our own devices, to develop sexually on a biological level, most of us would have gone the way of The Blue Lagoon. Puberty would happen and sex would shortly follow, whether you were 12 or 16.
I think kids need to be less policed. And taught less to be scared of things.
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